A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'd been kind of seeing a guy for about the last six months. Nothing serious, just a lot of chatting and the occasional hookup. The problem is, I REALLY like him and I was beginning to get frustrated with him not seeming to want to commit. Last week I called him when I was drunk (bad idea) to tell him how I felt. He responded by telling me how disgusted he was with me. He literally wouldn't stop going on and I had to hang up on him.In the morning I sent him a message to apologise and to suggest we don't see each other for a long time. He still hasn't replied, over a week later. I'm upset because I feel like I really messed this thing up. He clearly doesn't want to speak to me anymore, or even accept my apology. How do I get over the fact that I feel like I made a huge mistake? I know with time this will seem like a bad dream, but at the moment I feel so stupid...
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (24 May 2014):
 The quicker you get over this the more 'not a big deal' it becomes and the more likely you are to repeat this mistake except next time it might be with someone who really does matter.
This guy was obviously quite content with chatting and the occasional hookup. If he was serious about you he'd have pursued more long ago. So telling him how you felt about him was a mistake, either way. Doing it while drunk was the icing on the cake.
The silver lining here is that it's put an end (hopefully) to something that was going nowhere and it's given you an opportunity to re-evaluate your choices, as well as your dating strategy.
Cut back on the liquor. However cute and funny you may think you are at the time, understand that men with class find a drunken woman off putting. Your friends probably don't appreciate it much either. Once you feel a slight buzz it's time to stop. You'd save yourself a lot of money and you wouldn't be so vulnerable.
Whether feelings are initially present or not sex is a VERY intimate act and the more you engage in it, the more likely you are to form an attachment. You should never encourage anyone to get that close that soon. If you don't want to be used for sex, then GO OUT ON DATES and not to nightclubs, not hotels and not back at each other's houses. If you want to have an interesting relationship with an interesting man then BE interesting yourself and do interesting things. Always leave them wanting more.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (23 May 2014):
Perhaps it was a mistake but it needed to happen. This is your wake up call. He did not like you and never would have. Six months and nothing? If I ever said that to grass, it would grow the ability to laugh.
Play some sonngs (The Script-Nothing) have some chocolate, and get back into the grind of having fun coz you are wasting your feelings on this guy. All the best!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2014): Hi, we've all done this before and you need to forgive yourself. He was a bad idea anyway - you want a guy who wants commitment and is crazy about you - not this guy. This guy only wanted sex.
I've done a lot worse in front of my boyfriend when I was drunk and he still forgave me, because he loves me. This guy doesn't really care that much, and it's not for him to judge you - he's not perfect. Forgive yourself and let it go, he's not worth it :-)
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (23 May 2014):
 Hi
He only wanted sex. Nothing more, nothing less. You were his friend with benefits. You developed feelings for him and he didn't feel the same for you. Its the common problem with casual hook up/FWB situations. Either one of the two people involved develops feelings, or already had feelings, and hoped by sleeping together that the other would feel the same way. Rarely does that actually work out.
If you want commitment form a guy, don't get involved with casual hook ups or a FWB type of agreement. At the risk of over generalizing, Men can have sex with little or no emotional attachment, Women are often the opposite and end up feeling strongly for a sexual partner whether they intended to or not.
His reaction and lack of contact since shows that he felt nothing for you. You were someone he was enjoying sex with, nothing more.
Leave him behind and find a proper boyfriend.
Mark
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 May 2014):
 I think you DID exactly what you needed to do. However, you should have done it sober (obviously). You MIGHT had gotten the SAME response from him though.
HE didn't WANT more then the "FWB" thing you two had going, because he didn't CARE for you in the same way that you cared for him.
Now why he started to abuse you and call you disgusting I have no idea. Was it because you were drunk? Or did you use foul/lewd language? OR.... was it because he was "disgusted" by the idea of you thinking he meant ANYTHING serious about the two of you?
Eh... Either way, BLOCK his number and delete it. And don't HAVE casual relationship if that is NOT what you want.
Say what you mean, DO want you mean. Don't say yes to a casual sexual relationship IF you really want a REAL relationship, because you will be selling yourself short.
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