A
female
age
41-50,
*opo
writes:Today I made a harshest decision. I dropped my boyfriend off at the taxi rank and he didn't have money for the bus fare. I left him there to find his way. I know it is mean, especially for someone who has zero cents in his pocket. I have been dating him for 2 years now. Six months after the relationship he became dependant on me. He was not working when we met, but he got a job as a university teacher. The money he earns was not enough because he was paying debts... I soon realised he was depending on me financially. It wasnt bad until recently i found myself paying for his visit to the doctor, food and transport. When he visits me I must always give him money to leave but when i visit him I do not get the same favour.The relationship is not an open one. My boyfriend sulks and expect me to think for himself... the past month has been too difficult for me. I wish he gets a good job as soon as possible and a better paying one. He is focussing on getting a business. He never opens up to me nor explains his situation. The past month I made it my personal mission to apply for jobs for him. I have been having sleepless nights doing these applications. until yesterday I called the company where I submitted his CV. They told me he declined the offer because he doesn't want to work in that area. When I confronted him yesterday he told me he didn't know the area, so I started explaining it's not so far and he shouldn't have declined the offer. He then got defensive and told me it's his destiny not mine.. and when I started complaining about my wasted effort he said maybe I should stop applying for jobs for him and I told him he is not getting any money from me from now on....This morning he travelled with me, I told him I don't have money to give him and he felt I was being unfair.. I dropped him there by the bus stop and left him stranded.... I know it was mean but what would you have done if you were in my shoes? I feel bad for doing that to him, do you think it was harsh??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): It was dangerous to leave someone with no means of getting home. How would you have felt if something terrible had happened to him?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): Actually, you're my hero. I wish I did with my ex of 10 years ago what you did with yours. :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): You did the right thing.He is a grown man. If he can not afford himself, there is no way he should even have a girlfriend. You are being a good person by being a dependable girlfriend, but you are also his enabler.The more he learns about the harsh reality of life, the sooner he will become a better man for himself, you, and your relationship.Also, you can do much better for yourself. I know you care about him a lot, but maybe if you leave him, it will be the reality slap he needs to get on his own two feet.Leave him, and make him pay his own bills for a while. lolBut, you did the right thing though. Do not feel bad.You did him the biggest favor by doing what you're doing.It shows that you care about him, regardless of what he thinks. =-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): No, please don't feel bad, you haven't done the wrong thing. I had a long-term partner who sounded very much like yours but I never had the courage to do anything about it, despite how much he used me and lived off my finances while constantly coming up with excuses not to work (incidentally he too wanted to be an academic). he's a grown up and needs to learn to stand on his own two feet. Hopefully this will give him a push in the right direction, although from my experience he will not see it like that and blame everything on you. You deserve better- find someone who respects you and is not a millstone around your neck.
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A
female
reader, FizzyPop  +, writes (27 January 2009):
 Don't feel bad, even though many may think this was wrong.
Remember you are his 'Girl Friend' NOT his Mother!
He has become to dependent on you, expecting you to do everything.
What happend to sharing? communicating? feeling and being in love?
Everyone is going through a very bad time, many loosing job's and home's.
He's not helping himself -
instead helping himself to what you earn.
Whilst you carry on paying for everything he will always take and not go out and earn.
Your 'BOTH' supose to give and take in a relationship
Seem's he's been taking and expecting it to much, and untill now you for a easy life gave in to this.
You were right to drop him off.
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A
female
reader, lacey007  +, writes (27 January 2009):
Don't feel bad for not enabling him. If he did not know he would have you to fall back on he would have taken that job no matter where it was. He knew that you would be there to pick-up the pieces. Believe me, I was in a 5 year relationship where my ex never wanted to work aside from a part time job for about 2 months and I kept letting him make excuses until I found out that he was using his free time and MY hard earned money to entertain another woman while I worked 12 hours a day to support my son and him... Even then I didn't want to believe that he would throw away a good deal like the one he had with me. Please for both your future tell him you may take him back when he can show he has had a steady job for at least 3 months... If you don't make him an example he will never have a good future for you or even for himself. You are not doing him a favor by supporting him, you are doing him a dis justice. It would be different if you are with someone whom you agree with that you will be the soul provider, but that is not the case. There is nothing wrong with helping your partner but it can't be a you give and he takes all the time. Life does not work like that and most woman will not put up with that for very long... Good luck to both of you and I hope this helped :)
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A
male
reader, Man86 +, writes (27 January 2009):
 I'm on the opposite side of the train tracks and my girlfriend is very supportive and im just now realizing how much effort she puts into me. I appreciate her so much. So regarding your actions you did the right thing im no stranger to tough love and boy does it help so let things settle anf then explain your actions. Dont forget to tell him its for his own good and that u expect a positive reaction from him.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 January 2009):
 You did him a favor, now he will have to stand on his own two feet, that is unless he can find another mealticket to pay for everything. Don't feel bad about dumping Freddie the Freeloader.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 January 2009):
 I don't think it was harsh at all. A grown man expecting his girlfriend to pay everything for him, when he has a job? Was he kidding?
He needs to grow up.
You did fine. That kind of man will find someone else and have them pay for his way.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (27 January 2009):
 Good on you well done! If i was in that situaation i would not have the courage to do that i admire you. you did the right thing.
Its been two years your his partner not his mother! He needs to stand on his on 2 feet and not depend on you, when it comes to jobs at the moment he cant afford to be picky he needs to stop making excuses and pull his finger out!
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