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male
age
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*rjade
writes:i have been married for 6 years and have two daughters under 5,unfortunately i have had a series of strokes and had to give up work,i have now discovered my wife has joined an online dating site and set a a secret email,i have managed to gain access to the email because she deliberately saved the password on my computer and there have been a number of secret liasons meeting other men,i really dont want to think about divorce because i think of the children but i am at my wits end,when i tell her i know she just gets argumentative and has in the past been physically violent towards me,Help please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2012): So what happens when/if she falls in love with one of these men - and leaves you?
Marriage vows - 'in sickness and in health' - she is clearly not adhering to this nor any of the others. Her anger is frustration because you found out.
You go to counselling together and try to sort it, if that doesn't work,divorce her and go for custody of the children
Nobody is happy at present, the children will sense the atmosphere.You deserve better, you have been through enough.
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male
reader, mrjade +, writes (7 March 2012):
mrjade is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou everybody for your kind words of advice,i am going to see if i can work things out with her by having a non threatening resonable chat and if she starts getting defensive i shall try and get some money together and pursue divorce,i have to think of the children first and foremost,i am worried she will get the children of course but i shall try and put a good case forward to make her look unfit,in the meantime thankyou again
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 March 2012):
 There is not much you can do. The wife has no respect for you, and she's a cheat, a liar and a bully. She won't change, she has no reason to. She has no consideration for a man who is sick, instead she sees this as a weakness and a chance to attack. It's not good for your children to see parents behave like this, they will think this is normal in marriages, and when they get older they will have problems in relationships.You can't change her, all you can do is argue and continue to put up her behaviour, or you can go to see a lawyer and divorce her for adultery. (she won't like that at all, especially the adultery bit)I'd pick divorce myself, but only you can know what is the best thing for you to do in your particular situation.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 March 2012):
 I agree that you have to leave your wife. That can be difficult because most likely she will get the kids, but I'm afraid that she may do more than what she's done so far. You can end up being dumped. Better to take your precautions now.
Good luck. Sorry to hear about your strokes.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2012): Hi there, sorry to hear what a hard time of it your having.
You seam to realise that you are now at the end of your marraige but you are too scared to end it. As i have said to women in domestic violence relationships i will say to you. Get out now before it escalates. This is about dominance. Your wife is holding all the cards by controlling you through fear.
Have you ever stopped to think what affect this is having on your children?
Throw her out like she deserves. She no longer respects you or your family unit. If she threatens to take the kids the file for her as being unfit. Report her violence to the police. It doesnt make you less of a man. There are alot of men out there suffering in silence when they shouldnt because they feel its to embarassing to admit.
What would be tragic is for your kids to grow up and become violent because they were brought up thinking this is normal in relationships.
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male
reader, joeyb67p  +, writes (7 March 2012):
 You are probably better off staying out of your wife's private emails. She is seeing other men because she is not getting what she needs from you. The fact that she is sneaking around tells me that she still cares about you.
Physical violence is not acceptable, however. You should tell her to get some counseling on her anger issues and perhaps call the police if she beats on you again.
You need to think about your options here and decide if you love her enough to do what it takes to fix this. If she fall in love with another or they fall in love with her it will be next to impossible to fix. I suggest having a heart to heart, non accusing talk with her to see if this can be fixed. Sounds like you still love her and want to figure out how to satisfy her, keep her happy and proceed for you and the kids.
Good luck. Unfortunately I am on the other side of that equation and fell in love with a married lady who had filed for divorce but has since returned to try to work things out. No matter what relationship are hard and require a lot of maintenance and work!!
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