A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, this is going to sound weird but I'M the one who decided I should give my crush a little space from me. There's this girl that I've been crushing on for the last few weeks. I finally got up the nerve to talk to her two weeks ago and I've never been so happy to find out that she's actually everything I dreamed of in a girl. She's beautiful, funny, laughs at my jokes, has a bit of a nerd side and even asks me questions as well. Perfect. I find myself becoming more and more infatuated with her everyday. I'm not sure if she likes me the same way but recently she has been showing me pictures of her when she was "more in shape", her words. I think her current physique couldn't be more perfect. I've also snuck in compliments of how beautiful I think she is. She usually stays quiet, responds with a smile or a "You're just being nice." All of this seems to be going well and as much as I try to resist jumping the gun, I want to believe that something could happen between us in the future. Infact, the fact that she has a kid doesn't even deter me. I can see myself being devoted to her and her son (father isn't around). I've been rejected so many times that it's hard to believe that this girl could actually be interested in me. The problem is that I think I've been acting TOO goofy around her sometimes. I'm a guy who likes to hold a cool, calm and collected persona when around girls, but with this one, I find that it's hard to stay serious. I LOVE making her smile. So I act a bit quirky when around her.But in doing so, I feel like I'm abandoning my usual personality. I also feel like she might not be able to take me seriously if and when I ask her out. I usually talk to her everytime I see her. But I now want to avoid talking to her for a few days just to settle back into the guy I use to be. I want to be a bit more serious with her because I want her to see me as a man who wants to be with her, not a funny friend who has a silly crush.Is it a good idea to do this plan? And girls, what do you think of a man who acts a bit goofy just to get you to smile. Is he a turn off? Or do you find it hot that he loses his cool stance just to get you to laugh?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2012): The plan sounds good in theory OP but if you think it will work you've got another thing coming. You really think if you wait a few days your heart isn't going to melt when you see her next time? Of course it will.
OP you're overthinking this massively and by playing this game you're going to lose.
"I want to believe that something could happen between us in the future."
Those are friendzone words OP, that's exactly how guys get trapped in the friendzone and then end up blaming the girl for not liking them back "after all I've done for her". If you're interested in her you have to start wooing her now and not playing this game of hot and cold, waiting and befriending her crap.
You're going about this all wrong. Of course it's good not to crowd her or be too full on but you only know her a few weeks and you're already talking about devotion to her kid and her and stuff, you're already becoming very emotionally invested and falling hard for the girl. That part you need to calm down and I think you know that but this trying to control yourself and then avoiding her stuff is not going to work the way you think it will.
You see you're so scared of rejection that you think befriending her will work, it won't because she knows now whether she's interested in you or not and the most likely outcome of befriending a girl is friendship and nothing more. You're already beginning to make the biggest mistake any guy can OP, the cardinal sin of dating, for lack of a better term you're putting the pussy on a pedestal. Girls want a loving equal, not a devoted love slave who worships them.
OP girls like all types of guy, now if you and she kind of click already that you feel comfortable being your usual quirky self then that's a good sign.
Three things will ruin this for you, waiting, thinking and fear. Waiting is only going to make your feelings build up to uncontrollable levels and it will also put you firmly into the friendzone, thinking is just going to build up this picture of a girl that's unrealistic, put her further up that pedestal and play out the relationship you want with her in your mind instead of it actually being real and fear is just stopping you from doing what you need to in order to have her.
OP in my experience 99% of the time a girl knows whether you're a potential or not from the very start. if she's not interested now, she never will be. if she is interested then now is the time to start wooing her.
Stop freaking out about how you or are not acting, she either likes you for who you are and is willing to go on a date with you to get to know you better or she's not.
It's time you started to show more of a romantic interest OP, you're at the crossroads now and you can either choose to build a friendship or a romance but you have to act accordingly. Girls really hate it when a guy builds up a close friendship and then turns around and suddenly tells the girl he has feelings for her. If they don't feel the same they really do view that as a betrayal because it's a very deceptive and underhanded thing to do. Build up a level of trust under false pretences of friendship when what you wanted all along was a relationship. Besides what makes you think you can hold back for much longer with this charade are you going to blow hot and cold all the time, because you're going to have to take a lot of "breaks" to gather your feelings if this is how strongly you feel already and that's not a nice way to treat someone at the end of the day because your feelings will keep growing and you'll probably snap.
Just ask her on a date, it's that simple. it will either happen now or it never will.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (27 July 2012):
 I don't think your question is weird at all.
At this point you're the one who's been showing all the interest, letting her know much you like her and everything.
I don't see any harm resulting from backing off a little and not contacting her for a few days, a week, even.
This will give her a chance to wonder what's up with you and spur her to give you a call and ask how you are. In other words, for her to show HER interest, if she is in fact enjoying being around you and wants to continue.
If she does, then it's still a good idea to let things develop somewhat slowly. See, the "fire" of infatuation can often burn out in a relatively short time, and then what are you left with? Ashes.
Good luck!
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