A
female
age
36-40,
*hvyrdnck
writes:Hope someone can help me out here!!! When I was 8 my brother raped me for 7 years straight. I ended up pregnant by him when I was 15. When my mom found out I had to tell her what was going on, I was too scard to tell her before that. It has been over 8 years since he has tried anything and my mom still doesn't believe me that he was raping me even know we got a dna test and it was proven to her that he's the one that got me pregnant. She has always blamed me for it happening and is always telling me that it was all my fault it happened that I need to get over it and not hold it against my brother anymore. That I need to talk to my brother and be in his life since she thinks it was my fault and cuz my brother always denied it!!! I have no respect for my mom and don't care to be around her at all. It just really hurts that she doesn't believe me. And that I don't won't my kids around her because of it!!! I have no idea what to do anymore, I don't want my kids to grow up hating me for not letting them see their grandma. How do I deal with this. How can I be around her without hating her for not believing me. Should I let my kids be around her even if she doesn't believe that it did happen and that it wasn't my fault!!! Please someone help me out with this one!!! Any advise will be great. Thank everyone that can help me out!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 January 2010):
Well I'm really sorry this all happened to you. Don't listen about forgiving your brother. Never speak to him again (I know you won't). As for your mother, she is living in another world. What mother would want to admit that her son is a rapist? Not many. So I suspect your mother is taking the easy option and just ignoring it all. I come from a family where my own mother was abused. She cut all contact with her parents, so I don't know anything about them. And I'm fine. I've never met them, and I never will. I think there is also a danger that your mother may attempt to introduce your kids to your brother (unless that's already been done). And let's face it, you can't leave your child around him, because he might do something. All I can say is that without Grandparents in my life, I've turned out very well (I think). Better to have no grandparents than lousy ones.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 January 2010):
Grandmas are really really not that great. All my time spent at my grandparents was spent trying to be on my best behaviour and being bored and miserable. The only thing grandparents were good for was that they would give you a pound to spend at the shop. That is how I felt as a kid.
This woman has betrayed you in the worst possible way.
I would cut your family out of your life completely and stop worrying.
Your kids will be happy whether they have an old woman to leave big lipstick prints on their faces or not. All it means is that YOU will be happier and a better mum as a result and they never have to put up with hearing "Haven't you grown!!!" every week.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): Its pretty hard to imagine any mother could tell her daughter it was her fault she was raped. Im a mother. From my heart to yours. Im so terribly sorry this happened to you sweetheart. I think your mother is in denial and its easier for her to think that it was your fault. Rather that than face the fact her child was being raped for so long, by her own brother. I know someone who was abused as a child. Others found it hard to believe because he hid the abuse he suffered so well. Doesnt mean it didnt happen. Doesnt mean it was his fault. Would your children even be safe around your mother if your brother is still around? What would happen if he tried to do something to one of them...God forbid. You dont need permission to stop your children seeing their grandmother. Until she can get her head around the fact that you arent lying and you were abused by your brother, i dont think anyone could blame you for not wanting yours children around her. If you cant or dont want to file charges against your brother...your mother should be grateful for that and not try pressuring you in to seeing him! What a mother. All the best x
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