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female
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anonymous
writes: Guys - I will try to keep this short. Any help is so much appreciated.So, I have posted before about my boyfriend who lives in Ireland. I live in the UK. WE have been together two years and the general consensus is that I will one day move to ireland.A few months back, we went through a very bad patch and nearly broke up, for reasons like my insecurity, him not making much effort in the relationship, things like that. We got through it and since then things have been fine.We decided not to put pressure on ourselves by talking more about me relocating and just enjoy spending time together. However, I now feel like we should be thinking about making plans - not for an imminent move, but maybe in about 9 months - I will need that long to sort out my house, job, etc.But I feel like he is quite happy for the moment to continue the status quo. it annoys me as it makes me feel like he isnt really bothered about me coming over and having a future with me ( things I am trying not to think as this insecurity was why we nearly broke up last time.) Should I just continue with our 'enjoying each other' time and not start putting on the pressure of discussing the move - and ultimately our future? He has just turned thirty and i thought this might make him more keen to have me over there, but it doesnt seem to have. And how do I raise the subject without sounding like I am piling on the pressure? If he says no or isnt keen for me to move whne we have this chat, i guess its over for us really - Im not going to carry on a long distance relationship for ever. Is there any way I can make him ask ME to move??? Surely thats the way it should be, as i am the one moving and leaving everything?Thanks all.. xxxx
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female
reader, valmaniac +, writes (31 October 2006):
I am almost in the same situation in the U.S. My bf & I were perfect the first couple of months but then I moved an hr away & we have since been on & off (since about July). I recently finished my internship I moved her to do and am considering moving back to where he is. I told him that and he said 'don't do it for me'. I told him I have other reasons to be there as all my friends live there, the rent is cheaper, I still have 2 months of school left there & I also have a part time job there to work while I try to find a job after graduation. But, he ignored me for 2 days and then text me saying that he is finally happy living HIS life, not the one I want for him (he was originally gonna move here when i moved but never did because of job/$ issues)..anyway, my point is that maybe your guy is being sorta like my bf/ex bf....scared. You two (and me & my guy) finally got things going good again and then you (me) bring up something that they think is going to disrupt their world again. Us girls think it'd be great & the best thing for the relationship while the guys freak out a bit because they think they're getting locked into some huge change or commitment. I finally decided I'm moving regardless, so if you have other reasons to move there besides him..do it, if you 2 don't work out at least you'll still have a reason to be there. If you have no other reasons to move besides him, I'd maybe just wait but in the mean keep your eyes open for great opportunities (jobs or new guys) where you're at. Hope i helped! Good luck!
A
male
reader, moomoomoo  +, writes (30 October 2006):
 i think that's a bit harsh (the last comment).. they both decided to lay off the pressure
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A
female
reader, keysha +, writes (30 October 2006):
 you sound like a person who no what she wants out of life and he sounds like he wants his cake and eat it to I think he have something he is trying to keep from you or he is still into playing games tell him how you feel about him and what needs to happen or you are going the other way with your life because you have plans if he asks like he dont care he's a dog and you need to move on sister
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