A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a married mother of one and I'm struggling with my feelings for someone I work with. When he first started at my work, I didn't talk to him much. I thought he was ok looking, kind of my type but I wasnt really interested. I knew he had a girlfriend of 5 years too. Then one day we had a long conversation and I was struck by how easy it was to talk to him and I ended up telling him things I never even realised about myself! And he did the same. After that conversation we both felt a little awkward around each other as we realised we had a strong chemistry. But we became friends and over time grew more and more flirty.We find excuses to text each other all the time, especially on days we dont work together.Then it all came to a head the other night on a works night out when we ended up making out for about an hour, after other people had gone home. We didnt intend to be left alone and we were both a bit drunk... but I have to say I've never enjoyed kissing someone so much.We both said we wanted to stay friends and carry on as normal, which we have done, except now my feelings have intensified to the point where I'm finding it hard to carry about my day to day life. We still text all the time and he always mentions that night... I keep checking my phone to see if he's text me, and getting upset if he doesnt text back... Im a mess. I'm not sleeping or eating properly.I love my husband and my daughter but I feel like I'm falling for this guy. I dont want to leave my husband but I feel unhappy and unfulfilled due to my feelings for my friend.I know this guy is attracted to me and he's told me he's really attached to me, but I dont know if he feels exactly the same. I feel like it would be too paiful to cut him out of my life as we are close and it would ruin our friendship group... but I never want to leave my husband either.I just dont know what to do. Part of me wants my cake and eat it too but I couldnt live with myself. Someone please tell me what to do or at least tell me I'll get through this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): How can you say you love your husband when you are carrying on this thing with some bloke from work. All he does is boost your ego, give you a cheap thrill and make you feel good.
You really don't give a damn about your home-life, you just say your concerned with 'ruining the friendship group' you have at work - if you stopped the contact with this man
Think of the devastation it will cause to your daughters life if you carry on with this friendship and get found out - and its only a matter of time till you do get caught,the gossips will see to that.
Either stop the friendship or leave your husband
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): Simply put, you are having an affair.
Why? Not clear to you, and you will need counseling to figure that out. It is very complex, never a simple answer.
One thing is for sure, another man never cures unhappiness, nor does another woman.
Wasting your time and energy destroying your marriage in a very self destructive way, there are more constructive ways to end it.
Odds are that you don't know why you are unhappy, alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, marijuana is as well, you may feel better for a while, but the effect is to worsen depression.
You need professional help. You need this help now. Cut off contact with the affair partner, and work on your marriage and family, even if working on it means ending the marriage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): Unfortunately I have been in a relationship with a guy I worked with day and night. I was single, and he was engaged to be married. We crossed the boundary once, and the thing kept going on and on for nearly ten years. I stayed single cos of him, and at the same time, he got married, and had kids.
I am ashamed of what I did, but you are still in time to leave it all behind you, no matter what you feel for him. It's a toxic relationship. You already have a family of your own, and you should be the one who respects it. Do it, and be proud of it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 February 2012):
 AH the dreaded WORK crush… BTDT… actually watched a tv show last night (a comedy) with just that topic… Work crushes are very very very common… I used to refer to one guy as my “work husband” but then his wife and my husband were both aware of and comfortable with the friendship and it never crossed any boundaries…
The fact that you two have crossed the line (the making out) is dreadful)
Why are you staying after work and getting drunk with him? WHY are you trying to wreck your life at home and at work?
You can’t stay friends once you’ve crossed the line…things have changed now for the worse….You need to cut all but professional contact with this guy…. Had you not crossed the line you could have remained friends…. Now it’s too late.
If you leave your husband that you love for this momentary thing (with a man who is willing to CHEAT and LIE to his girlfriend I’m sure) will you really be happy? Is the grass really greener on the other side?
TRUST me it’s not…. Really the best thing to do is cut all ties with the guy you CHEATED with….. you will be sad and angry… maybe some therapy will help you figure out that it’s NORMAL to get what’s called “the 7 year itch” but to act on it was wrong…
I’m sorry I believe in open and honest relationships and if you wanted to taste the other side you should have cleared it with your husband first…
“honey I love you and don’t want to leave you but there’s this lovely chap at work I want to boink just once or twice and get it out of my system”
Yeah that doesn’t go over well but it’s better than lying…
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): You already have taken things too far and have cheated on your HUSBAND. It is simple really
1. Cheating is never the answer leave the person you are with first and then you are free to do what you want.
2.You will not get through it you either cut contact with this other guy and fix your marriage or leave your husband.
I doubt though that you will be able to cut contact seems like like you want to have your cake and eat it, good luck
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