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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: ok im due to leave school soon but ive had this same problem since i was about 11. It didn't bpther me as much then but it does now im getting older. For some reason i've always had feelings for one of my teachers but i wouldn't call it a crush because i don't think about her in that way, i just seem to care about her. Thats the other problem shes a woman i don't no if that means im bi but i actually fancy other lads but don't want a b/f yet,just don't think i ready. In a way i don't want to keep thinking about her like i do because i don't want to be bi and also it will just start to affect me when i get a b/f.Does anyopne no anyways of stopping this and is it normal? do others tend to have this problem at some point in there lives?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2006): it's normal to have a sort of hero-worship feeling towards special teachers in your life at this point - there's a mix of admiration, deep gratitude, a feeling of closeness like you can really rely on them (which may seem weird b/c the relationship may not be as close as your feelings would seem to suggest), etc. and it sometimes starts to feel almost like an infatuation. but that's totally normal, and straight people have it for members of the same sex all the time. my boyfriend is definitely straight, but he gets these boy-crushes on really impressive older men (usually either sports coaches or professors he particularly respects) from time to time.
it sounds to me like you're sort of unreasonably paranoid about being bi. like its worrying you a lot, but you haven't really said anything that would give me reason to believe you should be thinking about this. now, if you were saying things like, you can't stop thinking about this teacher when you go to sleep at night, and you find yourself comparing your friends and guys you might date against her to highlight their unworthiness, well, that might be something to pause and think for a second. but really, unless you are just plagued by sexual feelings for girls, in a way that you just don't feel attracted to boys, then i don't see why you should think you might be gay or bi. (Also, remember that it's totally normal for straight girls to think about sex with other girls and sometimes fantasize it, particularly when you're young - that's normal curiousity.) don't worry so much.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2006): I find your question a bit distressing because it seems we have come to a place in our society that says if you care about someone of the same sex and have loving feelings for them, then that must mean you are bi-sexual or even gay perhaps....unless these feelings are of a sexual nature, I don't think you have anything pointing to you that says you are bi-sexual.
From the way you worded your text, it seems to me that you most likely have a deep admiration for an older, wiser woman that has been a mentor and a teacher for you, and this is quite a nice thing to have a bond with this woman who has maybe helped you get to know your strengths.
If you are not ready for a boyfriend yet, that also does not indicate that you are bi-sexual or gay, you definately know and seem certain that you do fancy lads, so there you go...you are a hetero-sexual girl that is not a woman yet and has many years ahead of her for dating men and falling in love....and hopefully will have other strong friendships and mutual admiration parties with other women in your future.
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