A
male
age
30-35,
*hatOtherGuy
writes:It seems like everyone I know that's my age has had sex numerous times. I'm feeling really left behind, last time I had a girl friend was in 9th grade...I'm almost 20 years old now. First the girl this girl that I liked lost her virginity, then today one of my other female friends told me she lost hers. I think she was the last virgin I knew. I just don't understand...I've decided to not worry about sex and focus on getting a girlfriend, but that's hard when all I have thrown in my face everyday is sex. I need to figure out how to meet girls, because no matter how much I try to act like I'm not, I'm actually really lonely. I have a lot of friends that I hang out with on a daily bases, but they don't fill the void that's in my heart...They just make me temporarily forget until I'm alone again.I know it's really easy to see girls, but I have no reason to strike up a conversation with them, so I don't. I don't want to be the type of guy that hits on girls until one of them gives me the time of day. Is it unreasonable for me to think that one day I'll just meet someone naturally?I'm in college right now, but I usually just go to class and then go home, so I don't have many opportunities to meet anyone. Can someone give me suggestions on how I can deal with these various issues? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (2 May 2010):
 I must say I have NEVER actively pursued meeting someone.
Past relationships have come from school friends, friends of friends, sporting pursuits, social events, random meetings at work, saying g'day to someone down the street/in shops, ... and I never did so looking for prospects. All were just people I encountered on my day to day stuff and that things progressed beyond just friends with.
So imo, ... you just gotta get yourself out there more, .. get hobbies, sporting activites, be friendly at work, say hi to people you see around town often just for the sake of being friendly, etc, .....and most will just be a friendly interactions - nothing more than a pleasant passing of time in a moment, ... but every so often, you and someone else will end up talking more, getting to know each other more, developing a friendship, ... and sometimes having it progress beyond that.
Hitting on girls when you don't really know them, know if you like more than the surface appearance, or going in aiming at a prospective partner, is not really the best way about things imo. Besides not allowing them a chance to know you first resulting in more rejections and more kicks to the confidence, ... I do think just being friendly without any expectation allows connections to develop naturally (where they are going to) in a light casual way, and if that happens, ...then you take it from there.
Thats me tho, ... I dont think I could never get on a dating site and be specifically looking for a partner, ... or go out with the intent of hitting a guy up in a club, ..etc, ... I can tho get around happy, talk to anyone, online /off line with no ulterior motive, be friendly as in my nature, ... and sometimes something comes of it once you know each other on some level, ... a lot of the time you just have new friends. Either is cool. people will crop up, .. they always seem to anyway, ..eventually. :-)
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (2 May 2010):
 Okay, well I'm not much different than you - albeit much older - yet my sexual experiences have been many over the pst 45 years or more. But I'm possibly as shy and reserved as you seem to be - or at least I was back in the 1960s, and the trait has persisted in my mind to this day.
So, how did I manage thousands of activities with a large number of partners including three wives?
The way to think about it is - that most girls are typically just as uncertain with the opposite sex as you may feel. But they give-off little hints - with their eyes, a smile, something said (especially if flirty) or any number of clues. Some women may be quite forward about it, and I'll admit that some of those more aggressive gals had their way with me. My advice is to be on the lookout for little clues, especially smiles and eye contact . . . and when you see (or sense) it from someone you like . . . then react! Smile, be fairly humorous and flirt with her.
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A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (2 May 2010):
 Oh, and I'm a virgin by choice. Sorry if you read that and just thought "Well I'm not going to listen to him he's a virgin too"
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A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (2 May 2010):
Hey bud, I'm 19, almost 20, and a virgin too. You aren't alone. Actually, you are far from alone. But, that's not the real issue here. You want to know how you can approach a girl without just being a douche-bag that hits on everyone.
If you see a girl that you think is cute, just go talk to her. You won't always have some other-worldly coincidence that will enable you to talk to her. For instance today I was at a concert, I started talking to this cute girl for a few songs, then just asked her for her number. I wasn't going to mess around. Turns out she was engaged, but hey I'm not embarrassed! If you see a girl that you would like to know better, just go for it. You won't come across as a douche-bag if you don't want to. Then one time you will find a girl that is interested as well. If you keep swinging, eventually you'll get a home run. But you have to go up to the plate first.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2010): Although being in a loving, caring and fruitful relationship is wonderful, in addition, you must be careful as to who you chose to build that kind of relationship with and make certain that you are doing it for the right reasons. You don't want to go out here and rush into a relationship simply because, you are lonely, nor do you want to engage in meaningless sex. Let's face it, the dating realm has it's pros and cons, but most ppl encounter the cons of dating, the ugly side to it. I think you should not allow this need of wanting sex and a girlfriend to overshadow your schooling--STAY FOCUS, and then incorporate love, dating, sex and relationships into the equation. Believe me, I am a few years older than you and let me tell you, dating, sex and relationships are not all that's it cracked up to be esp. when you go from one bad person to the next. Take your time, don't rush, read lots of relationship books, go to relationship blogs, go to Amazon.com and find books on how men should date and what signs to look out for because, lets face it, men aren't the only ones who cheat, women do to, in fact more so than me, they just don't get caught. so you want to try and prepare yourself as much as you can so that in the end you will be a winner and have the most happiest life possible.
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