A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i really need some advice, i'm in a long term relationship with my gf. a while ago though i kissed a girl who i know but only see infrequently and don't really talk to much but we sometimes e-mail. there's definitely a chemistry between me and this other girl and from what i know of her she seems to have more interests which are the same as mine than my gf. at the time i kissed her she said that she really liked me and that she would definitely date me if i didn't have a gf. i also know this girl kissed another guy who i know who is also in a long term relationship. my gf is very trustworthy and caring but for the last year or so (b4 this other girl came along) things haven't really been great together and the spark has sort of gone out of the r'ship. we hadn't really been making time for each other with both of us equally to blame (even though we sat down and talked all of this through several times). i don't condone what i did in any way with this other girl and still feel really guilty about this.because my current gf is only my 2nd serious gf and i'm not the type of guy who has slept around alot, part of me is saying that i should break up with my gf and if this other girl seems to have more in common with me and likes me that maybe i should go for it. or if this wasn't the case i could still go out and play the field.the other part of me is saying that i currently have a beautiful trustworthy gf who i do everything to support but maybe of late the spark has gone out with but possibly a break might do us the world of good and then we could get back and then i'd realise how good my current gf is. my current gf herself has expressed doubts to me and the fact that she knows everything about me, she knows that maybe i want to go out and play the field.i'd really appreciate some advice on this, especially girls advice but please don't leave any advice like "you're a a$$hole, you cheating XYZ", i know this already and feel like $hit about it, i just need some advice as i don't want to hurt my gf so i want to make a decision soon over this to avoid wasting any more of her time and my time thinking it over and over.i have 3 questions:1. what do you think i should do?2. this girl that i kissed, is she one of these girls who just wants what she knows is taken given the fact that i know she kissed another guy i know who has a long term gf.3. would it be worth giving up what i have with my gf for the girl i kissed who i think has more in common with me and who i know for a fact likes me?any advice regardless of the fact that i'm an a$$hole would be appreciated. thank you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): the thing about it is is that i've discussed it with my gf and having gone out with her for nearly 2 years, she said she was confused and not sure what she wanted in the long term i.e. if i'm the one she wants to be with long term, now after taking a break for a while, she is saying that i am the one and wants to get back with me. is it worth giving a shot? will the things that hampered the relationship e.g. not seeing enough of each other, in the past rear their ugly head again once we're back and settled or could this be the making of us?
A
female
reader, Lamb  +, writes (11 December 2008):
my two cents :)
1. figure out what you want: long-term commitment, or chemistry?
2. maybe she is...but you know her, i don't. go with your instinct on that one
3. sounds like it might be, however remember your doubts in question 2.
the way i see it, there are two issues here. first, your relationship is becoming tired. second, you have feelings for someone else. the two are definitely related. i think the latter may be a symptom of the former. i think its helpful to keep these issues separate, so if u decide to break up, make sure its not only because of this other girl. do it for you, and for your gf. so you both have opportunity for greater fulfillment (alone or with new ppl).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): The spark is quite easy to bring back into a relationship hun but I have to agree by saying it takes two to make it work.You can always try to bring that spark back and if it works then great you've got every reason to stay with your girl but if it doesn't then at least you have a sound piece of mind in knowing that at least you tried. The other girl could work out but you also risk it being very short term, as you said she seems to have a thing for guys in relationships and by going after them she is saying that she doesn't mind cheating, that favor may be returned to you so be wise about it.
By the way, it doesn't make you an asshole. These things happen when people grow apart, your only human you make mistakes but you also had the ability to realize it.
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