A
female
age
30-35,
*weet seduction
writes:i have been with my partner for over 3 years. basicly on and off. ive noticed that i dont want to have sex with him, i dont get in the mood. while on the other hand hes always on me wanting to have sex. when he kisses me and caress me it doesnt makes me horny at all. i just want him to stop but im scared to speak up. whenever he wants to have sex i feel like im pressured to do so because he will get mad and think that im a useless girlfriend. men these days are capeable to cheat if you dont give em any. when ever he comes on to me and wants to go down on me i push to him on to the bed and rather plesure him just to satisfy him. we used to have sex a lot, but its been around 5 months that i dont get that urge. i can go days without having sex and wont feel horny.theres times like today that i rahter not see him because i dont want to reject him when he comes on to me. i love him and love to be with him but not just sexually anymore. is there something wrong with me, is this normal?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 May 2012):
 How is the sex? Part from no orgasms in 3 years?
I think you need to find out how to make yourself come, and when you do show it to your BF (if you want to stay with him)
When people aren't satisfied by their partner it is NOT uncommon to temporarily have a HUGE dip in libido.
And you REALLY need to start being able to verbalize your needs and talk about sex. If you can HAVE sex, you should be able to TALK about sex with your partner.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 May 2012):
 Well there's your problem.
First off, while you're probably not numb inside, you sound normal. Women generally have very little sensation in their vaginas. Neither of you should be expecting orgasms from penetration because for the majority of women, it won't happen. But given that right now sex is essentially you getting poked and then having to clean up, it's not really a surprise you don't want sex anymore.
The first and absolute most important thing for you to do is start masturbating. You won't be able to orgasm with him until you can do it yourself. If you can't even know what feels good, there's NO WAY for him to know. So go and practice and figure out your own way to have one. I think a lot of people on this site recommend the website clitical for tips on how to have your first one.
The second and pretty equally important thing is to stop being afraid to speak up for what you want/need. Sex is not all about him, it is supposed to be about you both equally. He's not going to be angry at you for asking for what you want. I can imagine it would be downright frustrating for him to not know what you want, so speak up.
So summary, you are normal. You need to have an orgasm on your own so you can teach him how to give you one (whether that's hands, him giving you oral, or him using a vibrator on you). You need to speak up about what you need during sex. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, sweet seduction +, writes (25 May 2012):
sweet seduction is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo I never had one. I dont feel pleasure when we have sex. The.only pleausure I get is when he goes down on me. Other than that its like im a numb inside
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 May 2012):
 "I feel pressured"
"I'm scared to speak up"
There's nothing wrong with you.
You just need to be able to tell him what you are feeling. Do you feel safe enough to do so?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 May 2012):
"men these days are capeable to cheat if you dont give em any"
No, cheaters cheat. For men and women the number one cause of cheating isn't horniness, people can masturbate. The number one cause is not feeling wanted (emotionally).
When you have sex do you regularly orgasm, easily? If not, that's probably the problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2012): There is nothing abnormal about this behavior, to me it seems that you have simply lost the spark, but not the feelings. In situations like this it is best to sit down and talk to him 1 on 1, no matter how scared you might be, communication is important.
Next, just try to take a break from sex and/or sensual things and behavior. Try to get more in touch on a different level but leave sex out of it. It is always said that a break from sex and a little adventure always brings the spark back.
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