A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Ive got abit of a problem i have really low self esteem and i am adiment that i am pretty much fuck ugly. Its kinda holding me back i know looks arent everything but in like socity these days unless you are pretty your not really treated the same as other people, I think its wrong but socity isnt gonna change for me. I just now need to know how to kinda deal with it. I hate going out and stuff and when i do if i catch my reflection i feel riduculous and think i look like some sort of troll then normanally i go home. I have to take like 8 pictures untill i can get one which i think is "Ok". I dont go to highschool anymore so i dont have any friends, and i am sorta getting tired of like never being able to like find any boys who are intrested in me in like a relotionship way. I know im only young and right now boys arent really a prioty but it would be nice just to like maybe find someone who maybe fancyied me abit or something ? Alot of girls who i used to be friends with take the piss out of the way i look and shout stuff in the streets because im not as thin or as pretty as them. Its really getting me down sometimes i wake up and just wish i was someone else, i put on makeup to try and change the way i look and it does work really well but then i think even if i do have shit loads of makeup on people are still gonna see me without it so its kinda pointless. I remember about a year ago i wanted to go out with this boy and he said i had the nicest personailty in the world but i was just not on the pretty side so he didnt want to. It kinda makes me worry in the future if im gonna be able to find someone i love or get some friends or like fit in and not feel like this i worry about it alot. Is there like anyway i can deal with this ? Or maybe just get people to maybe have a higher opinion of my appearance ? Any suggestions to finding a boy in the future any advice would be great i just dont want to feel like an ugly outcast anymore. -.-
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your comment :) It was very helpful and i do know deep down i must change the way i think and i have been trying really hard but there is always somthing that puts me back and i end up at sqaure one.
The last few months have been really hard i had abit of a mental breakdown and ended up in hospital because of it. I am getting back on track and sorting it out but this is the hardest thing.
I do have alot of family members but things have been so hard on us that i dont want to add to the stack of things to be fixed as it gives them more things to worry about. I also have a Caseworker but lets just say he thinks that problems can be solved over night so i don't like talking to him. So thats why i come on here.
And is not so much i want to be like all thoughs other girls but i want to be appreciated like them if that makes sense.
I do try to tell myself i am better than them and i am pretty in my own way and i can raise above them and show them whose better, but i always start to have doubts or someone ses something and it puts me all the way down again i do try not to give a damn about what the think but i cant stop it from hurting.
But thankyou for what you siad and i will try it and i am just glad someone listened to me. x.z
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 Sweetie, you are so hard on yourself.
You admit you have low self esteem and you are seeing yourself thru sad eyes.
You are right that our society does judge on appearances, BUT, I can tell you that CONFIDENCE is by FAR the most attractive thing about a person.
God created people is SO many varieties, why do you think that is? Variety IS beautiful! I am so glad we are not all the same!
The boy who said you were not pretty does NOT determine your value. YOU DO. He sure did not have the nicest personality in the world if he told you you are not pretty enough to spend time with.
No boy will ever make you feel as valuable or beautiful as you do all by yourself. Do not compare yourself to others. Become the best YOU that you have.
You are obviously bright and articulate to be able to find this website and type out how you feel. I am sure you feel sad and maybe angry about things right now.
Make up or weightloss is only on the outside and will not change how you feel. You need to work on the inside out.
Your looks is not keeping friends or boys away, it is how you treat yourself. If you start valuing you more than ANYONE else, that will show to others.
Have respect for your body and care for it well. Eat healthy food, get enough fresh air and excercise. Dress yourself in clean and flattering clothes. Wear makeup ONLY if you want to and only what is best for YOU.
Do you have a Mom, an Aunt, a sister you could talk to who you admire and trust? A school counselor? Tell them what is in your heart and how you need a little help with feeling better.
Finally, it will take time. One suggestion I gave a friends daughter about your age, who felt down about her life and appearence. She THOUGHT she was ugly being brown eyed, tall, and chestnut hair when all her friends were tall, thin, and blonde/blue eyed.
I told her to go to the mirror and just look at herself in the eye..and every day I wanted her to say to herself
"I am strong and I am worthy".
Not I am beautiful, or I am pretty. I knew she would not believe that...but saying I am strong and I am worthy changed her THINKING about herself. Much later, she could say to her face, " I am pretty and I am fun".
After a few months, she believed it.
No one will believe you are worth knowing, until YOU do first.
HUGS and Best Wishes. Start changing your thinking today. YOu might be suprised a few months from now:)
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