A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:*Names changed...* Okay, There is this guy, I saw him at the start of last year, in the sixth form at school, He caught my eye but i didnt have the courage to introduce myself, A few weeks later my best friend starts talking about a guy she has met, in the sixth form whos name is 'Bob' we dont realise at this point that we have seen the same person. She starts speaking to him, and in december we make the connection that its the same guy. a while ago he invited us both round for some music practice, it was really great and my friend gives me his email address and says that i should start talking to him because he likes me, (at this point she had four guys to choose from and i was jokingly complaining that she gets all the guys, she laughed and said "have bob i dont want him") I start speaking to bob and as we get to know eachother we start to have some dirty conversations, my friend encourages this saying "i told you you were confident enough to go for him!" im starting to fall for him, he says one day this is a purely physical thing for me, and i said yeah me too... because i didnt want to scare him away, he says its just physical but theres something about me... a few weeks later he seems really off, (while my friend was online) i asked her what was going on and she said she had just asked him out an he said yes. I was so upset. Me and him dont speak for a few days and after a while he starts speaking to me again, i told him i was lying when i said i didnt feel emotionally attached to him and he said so was he, He told me " i didnt want a crush to get out of control... i would normally behave around the best friend of a girl im dating but theres something about you... i dont know what it is..." i tell him we should try to stay away from eachother for a while and he cant, he says the more i tell him to stay away the harder it is, my friend knows she says she dosent care, after a week we decide it isnt working and we should speak again, it is going okay, and he understands why i dont like to speak about their 'relationship' he used to speak to me everyday for ages evan after they were going out but recently he wont... he seems so distant and it hurts but i try and het past that, my best friend i feel different towards, i feel so guilty and nasty for being so jelous but i feel so inferior compared to her and she knows it, grades, looks, confidence, guys, she always has to one step ahead and make everything a competition, people tell me im a nicer person and better looking etc, but i feel bad thinking about it, i just feel so awful, i want us to be friends properly again but i dont know how to get over this... Help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): doesnt seem like jealous to me but sounds like your friend backstabbed you according to the unwritten rules of friendship. didnt she say herself that 'bob' was yours? and your just resenting her which is completely understandable and what i would definitely feel!if i were you, i would tell the best friend thats shes let you down and not to be a lying, backstabbing bitch if she wants to stay friends. and i would get a new best friend who wouldnt go for a guy that liked you and all that.also id tell the guy- its either friends or more. and as hes in a relationship- its just friends. i wouldnt give him want he wants. dont degrade yourself and be his doormat and let him have you while hes still n a relationship. feeling loveed by him will feel nice- but you can do better- why not feel loved by someone who is actually with you and would make the plunge to be with you instead of with your 'best friend'distance yourself fm the friend n her bf.but i know how you feel- i have the best friend that i used to feel jealous of and resent alot too. but recently its got better- because ive got newer better friends than her now and im not relying on her anymore. i am still 'best friends' with her- but i know more how she can be like- and know not to rely on her for certain things- also i have told her what i think of her and she has to me- so we understand each other better now.
A
female
reader, cherry cherry boom boom  +, writes (19 June 2009):
just tell Bob and your friend how you feel they can't hate you for what you feel and if Bob is getting in the way of your friendship neither one of you should be with him. This ya girl, peace.
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