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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi there, I was wondering if you could help me figure something out? I have a bf who I have been seeing for about 4 months now and it just so happens he is good friends with his two exes. This makes me feel uncomfortable and as though they are a threat or that he could cheat on me with one of them. For example, his birthday happened to fall on a Saturday which is my day of worship and I wasn't able to hang out with him that day. He told me he didn't have any idea what he'd do that day, maybe just go out with his folks to eat somewhere, so I said okay sounds good, have fun. Later on in the day when I was able to call him, he said he spent the day in Philly hanging out with one of his ex-gfs :oO I didn't say anything about it because I felt assured he didn't do anything with her and figured he had been honest and not hesitant in telling me.I told my mom about it later on and said I needed or had every right to be upset because they once had a relationship with each other and he spent a good amount of time with her and it wasn't appropriate--I saw her point: would he like it if I spent a good amount of the day with my ex? But he's friends with both of them mostly because one had cervical cancer and the other one was molested by her uncle--which I guess there is some underlying history there, but that was the past, and I am his present and/or (maybe) future...and if we were to get married, I wouldn't want him to think it's okay for him to go out with his ex gfs for a "nice walk in the park"--and should I talk to his exes? They have even asked about me and I feel so weird trying to decide whether or not I should say hi to them over the computer in online journals we all happen to have.He has even showed them a picture of him and me taken at the beach--I've never dealt with this sort of thing before, do I befriend his ex? I wnat him to stop seeing them alone without sounding like I wnat him to get rid of his friendships--I have the feeling they are okay with all this, and by the way, he must have seen one of them again to show her my picture--ahhh! This guy doesn't take the hint! But I have told him before about it, but how do I deal with it when it resurfaces, and do I have any communication with his exes? Can we all be friends? But they are exes for a reason, right? Argh, please help---thanks a lot--Liz
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female
reader, sexseahot  +, writes (10 October 2005):
 I agree with pops. Your boyfriend has NO right hanging out with his exes whatsoever. You're right, they are exes for a reason, so he should keep it that way and move on. I had the same problem kindof, but I'm only my boyfriends second girlfriend, so I only had to deal with one. I don't like her and could care less if she likes me, but she is also not going to talk to my boyfriend as well as he's not either. They have no right to talk, no business to talk about. I don't talk to my exes, he don't talk to his ex. So let your boyfriend know exactly how you feel, if this makes you uncomfortable or whatever. If he don't want to give up his exes for you, there's a problem. He don't need attention from them, he has all he needs from you. Tell him to go hang out with some guys or no one. It may sound harsh or you don't want to tell him what to do, but sometimes that's exactly what you have to do. Just let him know how you feel and go from there. If you're not comfortable with this situation, there's no reason for you to deal with it. I wouldn't.Good Luck!
A
reader, pops +, writes (8 October 2005):
Your bf wants companionship, and anything else he can get. He is not ready to commit to anyone, and that is why he has a lot of exes. Join them. Dump this guy, and find someone who is mature enough to recognize you for the gem you are.
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