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age
36-40,
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writes: Hi,My friend has been obsessed with a girl he's fancied since 6th form. He's now 21 and insists he's in love with her despite not seeing her in over 2 years. He and the girl were never an item and were barely even friends then, let alone now. Whenever I talk to him he dominates the conversation talking about her and his plans to be with her. He even talks about marrying her and checks her facebook page several times a day. Overall, I don't think its healthy and if the girl knew, she'd be pretty freaked out. I don't want to encourage his obsession in any way. He is not a very sociable person, has always lived with his parents and attended university from home. I have tried encouraging him to move on and suggested ways he can get out more but my suggestions are usually met with "will this help me get with [girl's name]?" and "I love her". To be honest I've had enough of it and would really appreciate some advice. Should I continue trying to help or consider it a lost cause? If I do try to help him get over her, what should I do? He is my friend and I'd rather not disown him but if he keeps talking about her 24/7 I might have to do so.Thanks a lot,Chrisp.s. sorry for the mini essay
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): Hi, i just found this question by randomly surfing the net and i honestly have to say tell your friend to get a life. Seriously...from the looks of things, that girl has absolute interest in your friend. If she liked him, she would've got in the sack with him already. You can't make/force someone to like you no matter how hard you try. That's like putting to male dogs together to see if they'll breed or not. Not going to happen. Tell him what i said and move on with your life before he drags you down with him.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (3 September 2009):
Oh no, that's even worse.
Your best bet is to say that she might be interested in him if he got a life, was interesting when it came to having conversations and was less obsessive.
Tell him to move out and get a wider view on life.
Point out that contrary to popular belief, we girls do not like having a guy pathetically wandering after us, worshipping us with puppy eyes. That's great for a week or so but it's a sure fire way to get dumped in the end because we want a guy with a life, with confidence, with a wider range of conversation topics than the incredible beauty of our eyes.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks emilysanswers,
Sorry I should have said, he has actually asked her out (for coffee) a few times via email. She often replies but ignores the invitations. He also sent her flowers with a note telling her he loved her in sixth form. There was some poetry thrown in as well at some point. Either way, she's not interested. He keeps asking how he can improve himself so she will like him.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (2 September 2009):
Well has he tried things like TALKING to her, or asking her out?
I think you should just tell him that you are sick of hearing about it all the time. Tell him plain and simple that it will NEVER EVER happen for one single reason:
He doesn't have the balls to even ask her out.
Tell him to either ask her out and get the hell on with it, or shut up. Tell him what a boring person he's become. Point out that he can't hold a conversation any more.
Then just be a bit harsh with him. If he brings her up then just interrupt him and say "have you asked her out yet?"
If he says no then simply say "Then I'm not listening."
Change the subject.
There's a good chance he'll get pissed off with you but it might get the message through.
Good Luck!! xx
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