A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. First off, my girlfriend (23) and I (24) finally got together about a week ago. Secondly, a little over six months ago, she was finally strong enough to get out of a six-year relationship with a complete moron/asshole who physically and emotionally abused her on a daily basis. At the moment, she's still sort of a wreck but I'm trying to help her along the process of forgetting about that pathetic scum-bag she called a boyfriend for way too long. Needless to say, I'm not a big fan of his, especially since I've wanted this girl for a several years now and always hearing about all her problems with him was really starting to cut at my own confidence.Anyways, she isn't a virgin (she's had sex with only her ex) and I am a virgin. I believe in waiting until marriage and she obviously doesn't. I'm obviously not going to pressure her into anything more physical than making out and touching each other and I know she won't pressure me into anything. She's just not like that; I know her well enough to know that much about her. But I've heard stories that if you have sex once or twice, you want to keep having it because it's just that enjoyable.She also told me that she hasn't had sex in about seven months and she's going crazy without it, but then she has a strained laugh about it after she says that. I'm not really sure of what to make of that. Is she implying that she wants to have sex with me? Or that she just wants sex? She's not a wh*re or a sl*t or anything like that; in fact, I'd say she's quite the opposite! But I don't want to compromise my own morals but I do want to keep my girlfriend happy and satisfied. Especially since I really do think she is the one for me.I can definitely see myself married to her and being the father of her kids. But we're only a week into this, so I'm obviously not going to bring anything like that up for a least a few more months. Plus, her birthday is coming up really soon and I want to get her something that might, I don't know, keep her mind off of sex for a little while.In other words, what should I do about all this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): Don't compromise your morals, if you do then you're just another guy. Be the guy who will stick to what he believes no matter what. I am a firm believer in having sex when you're in love, not necessarily just after marriage, though I personally am waiting until I'm married because it will make it significant. You've been saving this for 24 years, why would you give it up now? If she can't not have sex, then she's not the right girl.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): Prediction: If she's really horney, she's going to go back to the abuser BF for a good roger from a real man, whether or not she tells you. Step up to the plate, Nancy boy, or you'll this one will go.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (14 February 2009):
If you don't believe in sex before marriage then you should stick to that.
But else are you willing to do before your wedding night?
You can do "fingering" and oral sex which may help her. Also would you be ok with her using sex toys?
Just tell her that you want to wait for marriage, and then just hope that she sees you as a long term prospect and wasn't planning to wait till her 30's to get married!
Also keep telling her how beautiful she is and how sexy she is. It's not going to be good for her self esteem if she feels unwanted and rejected.
This has to be your choice, if your morals tell you to wait then you have to wait. I really hope for your sake that she is ready to settle down and doesn't decide that she wants to go off and live a little and experience all the world hs to offer before settling down.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (14 February 2009):
 Sounds like she'd like to have sex with you.
Now with out offending your morals: I understand the whole no sex before marriage but:
1. How will you know what to do when you are married?
2.What if the person you marry is really rubbish in bed?
No sex before marriage made sense before the invention of condoms. Personally though, why not as two consenting adults actually live a little and enjoy yourselves, rather than driving a huge wedge into your relationship. Just have sex!
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