A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Thanks for checking this out and I appreciate any advice you might have for me in advance, because I really need it and I'm long winded, sorry.Ok, well my boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now and I love him dearly. He's says he feels the same for me and for the most part he acts like it. But he and my best, dearest friend of all time have somewhat of a history togther and it's eating away at me. Well not at first it didn't. In fact it did'nt weigh in on anything. It was just something that happened. I knew all about it while it was happening and wanted to know all the details because he was "so cute" sort of thing. But nothing became of it but that was her doing. He tried, just never had the chance to get that far with her. Which at the time I couldn't see why she wasn;t interested but I figured she had her reason but all i saw was a really awesome guy. And I figure he WAS so good looking and hard working, he probably got dozens of girls for him and that was why he just gave up. Well anyway fast forward 3 or 4 years and I've broke up with my last boyfriend and since got together with him. And we've spent this whole year hanging out with my friend, pretty frequently and everyone gets along great. She's been through a tubulent time with her love interests and we've both been there for her. He's involved in our girltalk and hears all her business alongside me which at first seemed great but then I started noticing that he was really concerned about it. He started mentioning her a lot more and asking about her, suggesting I give her a call, asking if we should invite her places with us. Just more and more often. I mean, I love her but I don't even want to spend that much time with her. I'm sure she feels the same. And then it dawned on me that DUH! It's completely possible that he's attracted to her- he's totally admitted/acted on it before! I do trust her with her morals and know she wouldn't betray me that way. But I'm so afraid that he'll grow to love her or something and just lose interest in me. And it doesn't help that she's so much more motivated than me - I'm a lazy slob compared to her. And she so smart, beautiful, independent and funny. All the things I'm either just not or not nearly as much. So I guess what I'm looking for here is how to handle this? I don't want to compete with her for his desire or just to not be out done. I don't want to cut her out of my life or keep her away from us out of fear she inadvertantly cause him to fall in love. But I'm on the verge of doing something as stupid and drastic as that. I'm also afraid to say anything to them because I don't know if I;m just being extremely insecure or what. I just feel really threatened by someone I love and don't want to lose anyone OR let any of them have a chance to hurt me. What should I do? Thanks for reading. I'm sorry it was so long.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): Are you threatened by her in particular being around him because he's tried to pursue her in the past? Or are you just affraid that you're not attractive/smart/exciting enough to keep his interest with any other woman around? I would be looking at those questions and ask yourself if this is about thier potential of developing feelings or is it about your lack of confidence in yourself? If it's really bothering you that she's a type of person he finds attractive and that makes you feel inferior- try to remeber that you're also attractive to him and that's why he's with you. Don't let fear get in the way and cause you to act in way that will make you truly undesirable. Good luck.
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