A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have been married for 10 years but been with my husband for 20 a few must ago through my doctor I found out he cheated, because we contracted STD , he denied it all the to the doctors office and then the next day he was in tears saying how bad he felt, Am i wrong to worry becuse since this has happen he is so negative toward me now and i mention that if this ever happen again and he gets in trouble the reason why i said he'll get in trouble because he did this with a postitute I told him I wasn't going to come and get he said oh yes I would , its like he just doesn't care and sometime I get upset about this and he tells me to just leave, that i should be over it am I the blame should I just keep quite, am i being in denial, i don't want to believe it he dosen't try to kiss or hug and if I reach for him he pulls away signed iwant my marriage
View related questions:
std Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell I would like to say thank you for your advice, each day is different somedays its good because he calls me everyday now and tells me how much he loves me and a couple of weeks ago I remember after church as we were walking toward the house he looked at me and said I didn't deserve this and he didn't know what he was thinking he was in the wrong place, i have ask if he had a problem with me sexually and said no that he just don't know what got into him, i just wish i could forget this and put this behind me counseling would be good for us i belive but I'm not sure he's willing to go, what ever I can do that can keep this from happening again thanks again
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (26 August 2008):
 Well the cat is out of the bag in a big way as there was no way of hiding it was there? You both contracted an STD and the guilt he feels for passing that on to you must be enormous and rightly so.
OK it is one thing to cheat and another to not use any protection! What was he thinking? He obviously wasn't thinking I guess and he must have been pretty desperate for sex to actually go with a prostitute and then stupidly not use any protection, my god what was the man thinking! If you are likely to contract anything a prostitute could be rife with infections depending on where and who you go with.
What has changed in your relationship though?
I only ask that as normally cheating is because there is a lack of communication on the home front or some sort of change?
I am not proportioning blame here as I have been where you are now but there are always 2 sides to everything.
He obviously doesn't want to come anywhere near to you as he has infected you once and the guilt is what is making sure he stays away right now.
He knows he has screwed up big time and the fact that he doesn't seem to care and tells you to leave is the only way that he can see of punishing himself and by saying you should go he is trying to say what the punishment should be.
Firstly I would say that I think you could both do with getting into some sort of couple counselling and if he agrees to that and it works there may be other issues that come out that could require a sexual counsellor.
In the UK we have an organisation called RELATE which is all about relationship advice and counselling/mediation, I am not sure what the equivalent would be in the US.
If you have children and want to at least say you tried everything before walking away from your marriage then counselling would be a good way of doing that. At least with counselling you begin to understand why things have happened and you start to listen to what the other person is saying rather than talking at that person and only hearing the snippets you chose to hear.
Suggest it to him and do some homework of finding out who is in your area and what help you could get. If however he is adamant that he doesn't want to go down that route maybe look into some individual counselling for yourself.
Without any unbiased advice however I do think that your relationship could be over, but with help all may not be lost. It depends on whether BOTH of you want to make it work and if the love is still there no matter how well hidden it is right now.
If you go for just individual counselling it will also help you deal with any issues you may have and which way you go forward is really up to you but with that added assistance it makes you a stronger person and you take that with you through your life believe me.
Take care and keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
x
...............................
|
