A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I am back with my ex boyfriend of 3 years and the father of my child. Currently I'm living back at my parents house with my son and my partner lives on his own. Last week he asked me if I wanted to stay the weekend so I did. But since Wednesday, it feels like he is pushing me away. Everytime I ask him if were ok, he says stuff like I'm moaning and being stroppy and being insecure. I think I have the right to express my feelings. But he won't tell me how he feels about me. It also seems that he isn't bothered about our son either, its me who looks after him, provides for him etc. I love my partner to bits, but i'm scared that its coming to an end and I don't want to become a single mother. Some people I spoke to think that the only reason he is back with me is so that he doesn't have to pay money towards his child. I would ask him this, but I know it would cause an huge arguement between us and probably break the relationship up. Which I know, sounds stupid but is the last thing I want. How do I get him to open up to me and find out where I stand?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 September 2010):
 You say you are back with him but you are not living with him and he doesn't take care of his son. For me, this is not what going back means. He only wants to see you when he feels like it, like his time is more important than yours, or your son's. You have a right to moan and to be stroppy. He tells you he doesn't like being with you because you are always unhappy, but what has he done to make you happy, to ease your fears? Has he changed one single diaper? He can't just expect you to act all happy and sweet when you are so tired of being the only person taking care of the baby. Cause an argument if you have to, but all you have to ask is "do you still love me, and in love with me?" And don't guilt trip him with "I don't want to be a single mom." It's better to be a single mom and having the freedom to date a guy who will love you, then to be stuck with an ex feeling resentful.
Here is not a time to talk about rekindling passion in a stale marriage. There are more important things to talk about such as the financial stuff, who's going to live with who, how much time can he volunteer for child care, etc. Notice I said volunteer because it's okay if he doesn't love you anymore, but legally he's still responsible for taking care of the baby. He can't just tell you you are back together and then not follow through with what's necessary. He could start a family #2 with someone he could truly love, but he still has to be fair to you, man up, either live with you or pay that child support. If you feel you can't wait anymore, drag him to family services and take care of business.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): I too am going through a rocky relationship--and Im getting married soon! Try backing off for a few days and see if this problem clears itself up. If not, try mentioning couples therapy to him and see how he responds. Not only will it be good for the two of you, but it may also help in dealing with a child together. If he's not interested, then attempt writing him a letter telling him how you feel and that you would appreciate some feedback. He may have an easier time opening up on paper rather than face to face. If none of this works, maybe it is time to move on. Either way, you are strong and tried your best. Keep on steppin and good luck!
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