A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've done something stupid and need advice on how to make things right. To cut things short, I've been with my gf 7 years, for 5 years we lived together until I left her a year ago. I was tired of my life at the time - I had a long commute to work, lots of work to do at home, and she was happy at work, always coming home and talking about her work friends and I guess I didn't feel well-supported. I guess I should also say that I had started posting on adult dating sites and text message flirting services...just for some excitement in my life. And that I kinda had a thing with a work colleague - I guess I saw more of her each day than my gf, she was attractive, liked me and made me feel good about myself. When my gf found a message from the work colleague on my phone (while we were living tgether) she rang her and the work colleague told her I was planning to leave my gf for her...horrible, I know. But nothing ever happened with the work colleague, who has since moved away. So six months after my gf and I split, I missed her so much and realised I want to spend my life with her...so we got back together, seeing each other at weekends for the last 6 months, and it's been better than ever. But I've ruined it again. I was feeling bored and lonely one night a month ago, so I started using the text service again, talking to a girl about sexual stuff, talking about meeting up and the stuff we'd do...it was all fantasy, I would never actually do it, but my gf found out this week and now I think she might leave me. She asked me what I can do to show her it won't happen again, so I destroyed my Sim cards (although I still have the email addresses of these girls)...but I don't know what else to do. She suggested we go to counselling, but that's not my thing. I don't want to lose her, I don't want to be the kind of guy that uses these services, but how do I convince her of this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): Go counseling, be a man! I would say you are on pretty thin ice considering this was your second chance. You obviously have a problem you can not deal with and I happen to think as well (not coz she said it) that counseling would do you good. Counseling is not your thing? Aw c'mon dont be such a coward...even that was a poor choice of words to respond against help...to a woman you want to spend the rest of your life with.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 June 2009):
 You ask her WHAT you can do to PROVE to her you will not do it again. If that means going to therapy or counseling then DO so.. You can not commit HALF ASSED to another person!
You broke her trust and then just expects her to believe your word that you will not do it again? What are you 5 years old? You didn't steal candy ok? You broke trust. You broke a bond.
You KEPT their e-mail addresses.. WHY?
( This speaks volumes)
You are all talk. If you want to keep her or any future girlfriends you need to honor your own words. Or you will be one of those guys who "if his lips move he is lying" kinda guys..
And lastly, STOP blaming your GF for your actions and your choices. You CHOSE to flirt with your co-worker. You chose to sign up for the sex texting... YOU YOU YOU. :) ok?
Maybe THIS is the time for you to figure out WHY you do what you do. The whole I'm bored, I want attention, is only an excuse. I think that counseling might be really beneficial to you as well. You, might learn something about, YOU.
I do understand the whole fantasy thing, I really do. The thing is... We all have them. Fantasies. Maybe you should SHARE them with your GF instead of total stranger. I know it works. There is NOTHING like a NICE HOT X-rated email from your GF/BF/HUSBAND/WIFE/SO/PARTNER...
Think about it. Don't just read my words as me scolding you. Understand what I am saying.
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