A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello there. I've had problems on dating sites, people wanting me only for sex or ghosting me. Guys send me explicit messages or they ghost me.But then, about six months ago, I met this guy via OKCupid who seemed to be everything I wanted; he was attractive, his personality was great. We began dating, it went from casual to serious fairly recently.He lived 130 miles from me, but that was worth it if he was that good.I got to know him well over the past six months.But then I found out last night he was married.No, he hasn't got a wife. But he was married to his room-mate.He explained to me it was just a marriage of convenience to this guy, who's his friend, and is rich, and that he's getting round to divorcing him soon.Then he also said "I'm not gay, we're not gay guys, he's got a girlfriend but doesn't know he's married to me".Then he proceeded to show me a photo of the marriage license on his iPhone in full color with his and his friend's name!After hearing that, I'm going to break up with him.I don't want to be that girl. The one who dates a married man.Am I wrong to be a skeptic and think he's hiding being gay or should I take this as he really did marry his friend for money?I'm exclusively dating this guy, not other men.Now I don't know what to do. I feel like telling his "husband" but then again he probably wouldn't care since it's apparently not even a real marriage.Who's the bad guy here?And what's the best way out of things?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2022): IMHO, dump the dude. I seem to be saying that in a lot of my little comments. People lie on the internet. I have lied about my age before. I am actually 14m but sometimes you just want to talk to adults you know. I know it was wrong, but my point is that is not the way to meet real people and you cannot trust what people say online. Fortunately my GF and I met playing tag in our neighborhood when we were kids. As for your dude, I would drop him like a hot rock. His story sounds bogus and weird at best. He may be catfishing you totally. He might be some 500 pound crossbreed with leprosy. And how is marrying someone for the money a good excuse for his weirdness. Isn't that like shallow big time. And for the record, he's the bad guy 100 percent.
Your friend, Calvin (alias)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2022): He should have told you this at the start and many dating agencies will not allow men who admit they are in a relationship to use their sites. For obvious reasons.
He tricked you into thinking he was single and getting into a relationship with you. This is unforgiveable. Get rid. He is using you and he has lied big time to you.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (5 June 2022):
 He should have divulged this fact to you at the start of the relationship with you, instead he kept it to himself for 6 months, OP this is a huge red flag.
You are not the bad guy here, he is. You met him off of a dating site, then six months down the line you find out he is married, this would make most people run for the hills.
Personally i think he has been spinning you a yarn, and he is married, the fact he is married to a guy is irrelevant, he is married, end of story.
The only sensible advice i can offer you OP is to run for the hills, delete/block him and move on, you can do better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 June 2022):
 He is married. FULL STOP.
Doesn't matter WHY he married the guy OR that he is married to a guy.
He waited 6 months to tell you. He WANTED to make sure you were hooked. He started to "trickle truth" you. That he is just using the guy (which would be a huge red flag too!!) that they are roommates who are married.. ( I mean why?)
You ask who is the "bad guy here" Obviously, the guy you have been dating.
He might not BE gay, he might be bi. But he CERTAINLY isn't straight. And he is full of shit.
I'd ghost him and move on.
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