A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Whenever I get into a fight with my boyfriend, no matter how small, I almost sob. He's not verbally abusive, it's just that I'm a very nonconfrontational person, and conflicts scare me a lot, I don't know why. To keep from sobbing, I just sit there in silence for a long time with a blank mind, i can't even formulate thoughts that are related to my distress, so sometimes I don't even realize when I am upset. So I sit in silence until I gain enough control over my emotions not to cry. After that, I change the subject so that I don't have to deal with what I was about to get upset about, which is not really helpful because he doesn't know what I was upset about in the 1stplace! I know that he's in it for the long term, and he cares about me, and wouldn't care if i infact did let it all out, but it's embarassing to end up crying over an argument about philosophy, for example. I don't want to be "that girl" that's over emotional and freaks out over everything. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (28 April 2007):
 Well.... 99% of arguments can always be avoided and arguing about philosophy just seems daft. Discuss it rationally but be prepared to say that you see what he means and that he makes a good point if you're feeling a bit overwhelmed by the discussion. As for proper serious arguments, the best way to keep them under control is to refuse to raise your voice no matter how angry or upset you are. Speak slowly and purposefully and he will soon simmer down and you'll be able to talk reasonably. Ask yourself why you cry when you're arguing. Is it because you're scared he's going to break up with you? Or that you worry you can't argue your point well enough? Or something completely different? If you can work out what bothers you it'll be so much easier to solve it.
CD
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