A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 25 years old with no children and my girlfriend is 26 with a 9 year old son. We have been together for 3 months which doesn't seem long but it was a pretty intense 3 months. We seemed to be doing really good until about the beginning of the third month. Thats when she first told me that she wanted a little more time to herself and I partly understood that because I was sleeping over her house 3-5 days out of the week and every other weekend. So after backing it off a little bit we actually had a real emotional conversation the next Sunday after coming back from a friend of mines baby shower. She basically told me she felt like she wanted to drop the boyfriend/girlfriend title and go back to dating casually but not see other people still. She mostly blamed it on the stress and personal problems she's been going through as well her feeling that her son was becoming too attached to me and that I was brought around him in that way too soon. As for her personal problems she has been seeing a therapist for about 2 years for depression and is currently on Lexapro, she just started taking something else with it as well but didn't tell me what it was. One week later everything seemed like it was going smooth but then after talking one morning about her not feeling good she sent me a text saying something like "I don't know why you would want to put up with me" and I took it as her wanting to break up, we argued for a while and then I said some hurtfully things, but after it all we calmed down and she told me that she felt like she needed a break, I told her fine if thats what you feel you need then take it. The very next day she sent me a text telling me she missed me already and didn't know how long this break would last. Since then she has text me every day but one and called me once as well, but when I ask her if I can come over to see her she says shes "still not there yet", but the first weekend away she called me after partying with her friends to come over for a booty call, I wanted to go but she said I was too far away to make it happen. I don't know what to do or how to handle the situation. She says she wants space but she texts me everyday but doesn't wanna see each other. Do I just wait for her to text me or do I try to initiate conversations. I tried to ignore her texts and calls one day completely and when I called her back that night she flipped out asking why I was ignoring her and if I had sex with someone else, coincidently that was the same night she called me for the booty call too.Some friends are telling me to ignore her texts and calls, others are telling me to keep responding but keep it short and sweet. The truth is I wanna text her and I wanna call her on my own without having to wait for her but I feel like if I do then I'm not giving her what she says she needs. I think about her everyday so much and so many things remind me of her, she was the first person in years I've opened my real feelings to and actually saw myself being able to have some type of future with. I'm just confused and don't know whats the right way to handle this situation. She says she wants more than friends and she doesn't want to see other people but I don't know what she wants with all the mixed signals. We've been on the break for 9 days and I don't wanna lose her but I don't want her to feel like I'm here on a string for her to pull whenever she wants. What should I do?
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (13 August 2009):
 Well, you guys fast forwarded the relationship and now it's messed up. What you should do now is step it back to the beginning. Keep in very casual contact for a while, ask her out on dates and things like that, the things you did when you were dating in the beginning. Take it slow. She sounds like she is going through a stressful time right now. Try it a few weeks of casual dating and then re-evaluate the situation together.
She likes you but you both moved too fast. She doesn't want to let you go, she wants to be courted for a while and have her own space for a bit.
Good luck.
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