A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im 23 and have been with my partner for nearly six years. I care for him and deep down love him. We have a daughter together, shes nearly 3. We had a difficult time two years ago when he started having panick attacks. I supported him throughout but over a year of no physical affection our relationship started to strain. He is back on track now but i dont feel we are right as a couple but i still care about him which is confusing. For a year ive been considering leaving and its only when i start doing something about it he starts to put effort in.Then there is a customer who i really fancy where i work. I feel guilty as i shouldnt be feeling this way. Me and my boyfriend are engaged, i dont want to be and i want no more children with him. I just feel very guilty as i still care for him and his family are fantastic to me. Any advice? Anyone else been in a similar situation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the responses on this question.
Jadesketcher believe me im a mother before anything else. We've been together nearly 6 years we planned to have a baby because we loved each other. The fact I have my daughter is the biggest emoutional part in all of this.
I want the best for her always.
Eddie I feel you get my situation. No way could I set a date to get married. I cant im not 100%.
I suppose im just waiting for something to happen.
Again thank you for all the comments.
A
female
reader, jadesketcher  +, writes (12 January 2011):
You are not just engaged, you put the horse before the cart; you are parents. What about the child, it doesn't fit into the equation anywhere? Why do people think children are just fixtures and not feeling, living, emotional beings. Don't make babies and then have second thoughts, it's not fair, it's selfish. Do the best you can to fix your problems at home and stop thinking about starting up with someone new until you have made a clean break. And by the way, that's called cheating if you do it now. Cheating is not a good word, it stands for low morals and weakness. Be strong and moral. Make a good family
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A
female
reader, ShiShisAdvice +, writes (12 January 2011):
 Sounds like you need to go ahead and move on before someone gets hurt. And your customer that you fancy, is just a FANTASY.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (12 January 2011):
 From the sounds of your post, it appears you've been on the fence for a while. It also sounds like you are looking for an easy way off the hook on this one.
You have a kid, you have significant feelings and time invested into this relationship. You've helped your boyfriend over some challenges in his life and you probably suspect that by leaving him, that he will "relapse". His family may be extremely nice to you, but let's face it, you don't have to live / sleep with them.
There really is not easy answer to this one. If you feel you want to work it out and that the relationship has some hope, then you need to work on it and let the customer that has interests in you go. I suspect counseling would help. And you really should either call off the engagement or set a date -- at this juncture, you really aren't engaged (or perhaps engaged in name only).
If you decide it's over, then it's going to hurt -- a lot. And I think you need to be honest with yourself that it is going to take a lot of strength. This will also impact your daughter for the rest of her life.
Ultimately, the decision is yours. People have made choices in their lives to stick around or part. Some of it is up to you, but I think you need to be honest with your feelings towards your boyfriend so that he knows what is involved too. But the feelings you are experiencing are completely normal and expected. Unfortunately no one can cure "normal"... it's something you are going to have to work through.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 If your heart is not in the relationship then it is best to leave. Off course you are going to care for him and you probably always will as you both share a child but if you dont feel the attraction or spark there and your love is fading then you should probably end it. It will take a while to adjust to being on your own again but if you are not happy then it is best to leave.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): I don't know what to say about this as it seems clear that you don't love him in the same way anymore. I think perhaps you still care because you looked after him and helped him forming a strong bond, but maybe you don't feel the same way after all that has happened, or perhaps not even because of the situation.
I suggest perhaps you take a break for a bit, if you leave it a couple of weeks you might find out if you just felt the spark was gone or if you actually don't love him anymore? I can't say that would be the easiest thing to explain to him if you are engaged but you could be open with him and talk to him about how you feel and explain properly that you don't know how you feel anymore and would like to take a step back. This way you won't have to end it straight away, at least you can make sure its right for you, because its not something you should do if you are unsure.
You may have tried this already, in which case if you still aren't feeling the love or that the relationship is right then maybe it would be time to call it quits, after a year you've given him a lot of chances.
Hope this helps at all, sorry it isn't the most positive response x
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