A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:In 2005, I was fourteen when I met a man who soon became my everything, basically my whole world. He was forty-two, engaged to be married, and was also my history teacher. So you see, he was out of reach in more ways than one! Well, we've grown closer and closer everyday since then. We flirted on and off, until something horrible happened...my school closed down due to lack of enrollment and was also in debt for over $1 million! Anywho, we parted our ways, and we didn't speak until almost a year later, which was on May 31st on the phone. I asked him to come to my graduation, which he did. I e-mailed him a few days later, saying "thank you for coming, etc." And he e-mailed me back about eleven days later. It's been almost a month since i've e-mailed him, and honestly i'm getting tired of waiting for a response.I've tried getting over this man by going out on dates, avoiding him, getting a boyfriend, but nothing works! Nothing at all. I don't think i'll be able to get over him, unless if i know how he feels. As i said in the beginning, we flirted on and off. And we didn't just flirt, we had deep conversations. We just understood each other. He was always there for me, and I was constantly there for him.Do you think I should ask him how he feels? I don't want to keep wondering for the rest of my life. I don't want to be asking myself ten years later "What if?.." I want to know. But I love him as a friend too, and I'd hate to lose our friendship if I do end up telling him how I feel. Please help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): Firstly you didn't seem to understand the bit where he said he was already engaged. You said "It's been almost a month since i've e-mailed him, and honestly i'm getting tired of waiting for a response." The lack of response should speak volumes. Trust me on this. Forget him and move on sweetie.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (7 July 2009):
 Ah, but if you find out what happens if you ask him how he feels, you won't find out what happens if you don't ask him how he feels.
It doesn't matter what choice you make, you will never know what would have happened with the choice you didn't make.
He is married to another woman, presumably he loves her or at least cares about her. Do you really want to risk messing that up? For what? A relationship with a man more then twice you age?
He hasn't mailed back, I would say that he has made his choice. Accept that not all love has a happy ending and move on with your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): All I know for sure is that no matter what choices we make in life there are always what-if's!
Once we have crossed the line from friendship to something more, it is difficult to go back. It takes special people to remain friends...
It has only happened once in my life where we were able to remain friends after a deeper relationship. Eventually he and I lost touch too.
To tell him how you feel is a big risk that you must be willing to take. The decision is yours alone. But be prepared for whatever his response may be!
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