A
female
age
30-35,
*aiting 4ever
writes:There was a time when I was depressed and wanted sex to make it go away. The person I asked it from was a guy that I used to like a long time ago, and he's sort of a player, or sex fiend. We didn't do anything, but I wanted to, so bad. Is it wrong to be attracted to someone but not want to be in a relationship together? Would I be considered a whore? Oh, plus I'm a virgin, and was so ready to lose it. I just don't want to be one anymore. Am I wrong to think like that?
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female
reader, Waiting 4ever +, writes (26 May 2010):
Waiting 4ever is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you!! I appreciate all of your answers and I have begun to rethink my problem because of what you all said. Thank you again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): I don't think there is anything wrong with being attracted to someone but not wanting a relationship. And I don't think it makes you a "whore" at all. As for not wanting to be a virgin, I guess it depends on why you feel that way. I think there is a difference between wanting to experience sex, and not wanting to be a virgin anymore. I suppose what strikes me about your question is that you said there was a time when you was depressed, and wanted sex to make it go away. That is what would concern me. Do you still feel depressed? Are you still wanting sex to make any bad feelings go away?
The thing is, I don't think having sex will make any difference. It can't and won't magically make you feel better, happier, and take your problems away. So if you are wanting to have sex in the hopes of feeling better, then I would encourage you to think about it again. Is it sex that you really want - or is it to feel happier? To feel less unhappy? To take your mind off problems? If it is to feel happier, then I don't think sex will help with that. It may cover the underlying issue, but you will only truly feel better when those feelings or problems are addressed. You may find that you have sex, and feel exactly the same as before. None of your feelings may change.
So, wanting to have sex is perfectly fine, and not wrong or anything to feel bad about. If that is what you want, that is absolutely okay. But just be sure of the reasons why you want to do it first, and make sure it is for the right reasons. Good luck. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): I lost my virginity 6 months ago thus speaking as someone who is older than you and as someone who likewise wanted rid of the virgin tag ... i can tell you that there is no difference. I am no happier or sadder by being a non-virgin than i was as a virgin. Its just an experience - you are precisely the same person you were before and after, no bolts of lightening or higher plains of knowledge/wisdom ... just yourself. Its like going on a ride at the fair for the first time, you are nervous and not really sure what is gonna happen then afterwards think, oh was that it?!?! Why was scared or jumping for joy at thought of doing that?!?! Hmmm. Its just an experience but for your own well being - i would say don't rush things and find someone you care for before going for sex. You have your whole life to have sex, so realistically why rush and follow what everyone is supposedly doing?!?!
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A
female
reader, Marianne507  +, writes (26 May 2010):
I don't think that you would be considered a whore. People have casual hookups and it doesn't change how the world views them. The only way I can see you getting the whore label is if you had a constant string of casual one time things with different people. A couple of one offs does not mean that you are a whore, and one definitely doesn't. I also don't think that it is wrong that you just want to be rid of your virginity, although you might want to think about it before losing it in a one off, there can be an emotional bond formed from the loss of your virginity, however if you are desperate to be rid of it that might not happen. Be true to yourself and be careful if you do decide to go for the one off.
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