A
female
age
30-35,
*mm92
writes:this sounds well sad, but i dont have any friends!i mean ive got 1 or 2 literally thats it,theirs my best friend who i live with and our next door neighbour, my neighbours mental (i mean literally shes bi-polar and hears voices and makes things up all the time) and i cant stand her, but she bums up to me and my best friend to the max,i recently quit drugs aswell with the help of my amazing boyfriend :) but my best friend and neighbour still do them constantly and are addicted (well my best friend is neighbour just does it to fit in)but as ive quit now theirs distance growing between me and my best friend and she seems to be getting closer to the neighbour, dont get me wrong she slags her off to me all the time but they just seem closer then before and i feel further apart, but by my own choice. i dont want to associate with drug addicts anymore, dont get me wrong my best friend will always be my best friend, but i just want some more friends and don't really know how to get any. im 17 and not in college or any education really, i do open university but thats by myself and involves no socialising. i just wanna get out of the house more and do something with my time
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female
reader, hmm92 +, writes (18 August 2010):
hmm92 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto dr psych, o.k i shouldnt slag off my neighbour but the only reason i socialise with her is simply because she is my next door neighbour, i am also currently doing volunteer work and am training to be a youth worker but nice idea ill check the site, coincidentally my youth work is with connexions
i hate how they smoke it around me and i am trying to move house.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): Hey well done for a few smart moves,kicking he drugs and your open university course, and understanding that to move forward in your life we sadly have to let certain people go. Yes you can still love your freind but from a distance and hopefully she will come off drugs one day, in her own time but this is your time now.
Join a dance class, an evening spanish class,a sport,do anything that makes you feel good, this will also put you in a new social circle to make friends.
I hope you are proud of yourself and you have a great boyfriend. Well done to you both have a great life..ONLY LOOK FORWARD NOT BACK.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (17 August 2010):
 Congratulations on kicking the drug habit as that takes courage and determination. To keep it that way you need to move address. It will be highly difficult to abstain from temptation when others around you take drugs. Drug users like to hang out with other users to normalise what they do. They may try to persuade you to venture back into their fold by taking more drugs. You talk about these people, especially your neighbour, as being crazy but as being your friend all the same. It maybe your lack of loyalty that has left you friendless - quality people expect you to treat them right and not gossip behind their back. I think you need to think about that when you do find people to befriend. I think you need to find ways to get out and involved in the community - you won't find mates hiding at home. If you do some voluntary work then you get work experience, a reference for a job application and the chance to meet like-minded people. I think it isn't 'sad' not to have friends...you go through different phases in life where you have a good social life sometimes, and a quiet period at other times. Surely it is more 'sad' to cling to people who you have nothing in common with for the sake of personal image. It is about finding the right people to hang out with and not clinging to your drug using mates just for the sake of having friends. You would probably make a great advisor to other young people going through a tough time. Take a look at the YouthNet project on google - they are training up young people to act as advisors and that might be something of interest to you. You should also ask connections for help (a careers service for young people) as they maybe able to find you a work placement. If you went back to college full-time you may qualify for all sorts of financial help so ask at your local college.
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A
male
reader, Advice_man  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 Always stick with your principles and beliefs no matter what the cost is and you will not loose in the long run! I guarantee that, 100% sure! Wise decision to stay away from drugs and drug addicts! Wise decision for saying “yes” to life and “no” to drugs! There are tons of things you can do to spend your time in a productive, useful and pleasant way. First of all be prepared to do things just by yourself, if you do not find compatible people to do things with you. If you manage not depending your happiness on other people’s companionship you will build a stronger character. I learned to love the company of myself, it is not that hard. Learn to love nature, go for a walk or jogging or cycling. Exercise in the nature might be a little tough to start but if you are discipline you will see results, physically and mentally, after only a few weeks. Appreciate music! Learn an instrument. I learned playing my favourite songs on the guitar in just 6 months of classes. Appreciate literature! Sit by a lake and enjoy reading a nice book. Appreciate art! Go to an art museum just by yourself and try to discover the beauty of art. Go to theatre and see a play. And these are just a few ideas, I am sure you will find some more. And don’t worry about friends. Being involved in many activities as those I mention above you will meet many people with qualities and fun to be with. Hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): How about doing something healthy, like joining a running club or something where you get to meet loads of other people?
Well done with not wanting to associate with drugs anymore, I lost my boyfriend through a drug overdose so trust me you have made the right choice.
You are young and have your life ahead of you.
Are there any social sites online where you can make friends (not a dating site) with peoplein your area?
Or perhaps could you get a part time job in a bar? x
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (17 August 2010):
 First congratulations for getting off drugs, and you are right you should stay away from people addicted to drugs and that includes your best friend, as the temptation to use again is just too high otherwise, and that's not fair to you or taking care of yourself. Friendships go through stages, and if your best friend is going off in a direction that would be harmful to follow, then she is harmful to be around, FOR NOW...if she straightens herself out then you can start up the friendship again, but it isn't really your job to hang in there and fix her....You can tell her you think she needs to stop and you are scared for her, but the rest is up to her.
It's not that difficult especially at your age to make new friends and you're right you need to get out of the house and get involved. Try to join some groups either through vounteering, or church groups, or interest groups maybe through your university. Here in the states, there are a lot of peoople who are strangers who get together weekly to ride bicycles and tour together, it's great excercise and it is a great way to meet health conscious people who don't do drugs.
Short of that, just develop some interests of your own and do that and you won't feel so bored and alone, you'll enjoy your own company. Also, to have a friend you have to be a friend, so take an interest in other people, let them know you are available and interested in them as a person and you should have more friends than you can stand.
Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): You need to join some club or team...some of my best friends ever are from my past softball team. There are also chess clubs, euchre tournaments, you can go to church or volunteer once a month with an organization, dog pound or your local hospital. You will meet new people this way and more than likely they won't be drug addicts :) Good luck to you.
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A
male
reader, Duckiies +, writes (17 August 2010):
 I know how you feel. I have a similar problem. But friends are friends. Its really easy to make new friends. Just be more relax, careful and be a happy person. There are places you can go to make friends, like the cafe or parks or even at the local stores. Theirs no limit. I know you want real good friends. Everyone wants the same desire. All I can say that time is on your side. Be patient and talk and be nice. Never lie about yourself. Be honest. That how you will make good friends.
If you need someone to talk to. Just add me and we help each other out. Im 17 year old like you. I went to 4 different high schools and it was hard to make ffriends. But soon enough I became more carefree and happy all the time. Then people started to notice and now I have a lot of friends all over California now.
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