A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in my early 20's and have had sex twice. I think about having sex almost all the time or at least my thoughts stray to it very often. I used to be overweight but lost 80 lbs. I missed my earlier years for the baby steps in sexual contact. I have a number of issues. Im not a shy person and am now quite attractive so seems men just assume I have alot of experience and even when I say and preach that I dont I seriously think they feel I am role playing. This is frustrating. I am not in college (I graduated from online program). My job is usually working in school with young kids and teachers or from home on this laptop. I have few friendly associates from my weekend job but I am not their type (and honestly they are not mine, hot men but not my type). I like older men but ... I havent run into one who doesnt have tremendous baggage. Guys just drop off from me (contact just stops). I reasoned that this is normal but also still wonder if I am doing something wrong. I have dated so very little-- nothing lasting. I've never had a boyfriend. I do want a relationship. Though I am sooo horny I got tired of waiting for this boyfriend to come along. First time I had sex Id been out several times with the man, about 2 months worth of outings. Thing is I do/have not penetrated myself before with fingers or toys for masturbation. I use another squeezing method. So it was awkward and odd feeling not exactly pleasurable but I enjoyed the end. I do not orgasm and imagine it will be a while before I achieve it this way (the stimulation is very different from what I am used to) The second time was with another guy and it was one night stand kind of thing and he was AWFUL. Met him online (enough said right?) he sent old pictures of him self bc when I met him he was like 60 lbs bigger (he looked it!). He was lazy and asked me to get on top, which hurt for me. I kept going till he reached orgasm. I didnt find one moment of it nice except when I let him out the front door. Plus he lied about other things. I was stupid. Should have turned him away based off his weight alone, the lie (nothing against fat ppl, I was fat). This was nothing like the first time I had sex as I still think about that and get aroused from the thoughts. I just get grossed out about the second time. Im so horny though I need to make a connection with a guy in order to enjoy the sex and take my time. I like the thought of being on top, receiving anal and a number of things but not yet.Guys who approach me when I am out and about are usually just sleaze! lol Or young gangsters. I met a very nice guy and I had feelings for him (lust haha) that I didnt know I could even have. I wanted him so bad. I have NO idea what happen with him but Id be up for just having sex. I seriously think Id enjoy NSA with him, because I have/had the biggest crush. And no I didnt run him off with clingy ness. I played it cool =). I think I probably always play it too cool. What to do?? I just want a boyfriend. and sex, sex is a must.Im not trying to come off as a slut but I crave a man. I dress well. I present myself well.I want to meet an older guy who has his life together. Will treat me with respect (as I do have respect for myself because fat or not I wasnt a monster I could have had alot of sex and can now too). A guy who wants to take his time in the bedroom. Where can I meet older gentlemen who appreciate younger women? Someone whos not creepy. I know most men like younger and thats not what I mean. I mean an actual relationship. I dont want to be hidden or kept secret! I am a mess.
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crush, horny, never had a boyfriend, older men, one night stand, orgasm, overweight, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, BigSambo +, writes (29 November 2010):
I would classify your post as a hot letter and most likely you wrote it when you were horny :) ... It sure did have an affect on me.
If I were you, I would change jobs and would look for the kind of job tha is frequented by older men. You sound smart enough to think about the, short list them and go for them. And with your personality, you should not have a problem getting one and getting them.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Thank you trancedrhythmea for your reply. Family wise I actually just have my mother who I am close to. She did once give my number out to a guy who was attractive but young and he type "lyk dis". I thought I had been being too picky but only thing that has come from me being more relaxed is Ive met guys who didnt fit with me. I am going to talk with my mom and friends and they really already know the guys I like (As I said Im not shy). So maybe they can start sending some my way.
Thank you again for your reply, it has been very helpful. By the way, I lost the weight with exercise and changing the way I regard and eat food.
Thank you anonymous for your reply. I did have a business actually but decided for the time being I needed something with less responsibility so that I could focus more one just being young and enjoying life. As I said before I dress well. I have a passion for fashion. I do not wear makeup (dont need it). I own eyeliner and tinted lipstick and thats it. I wear Amber an essential oil. I take a good deal of care & time with my hair. I have volunteered for a few events but nothing came of it guy wise.
I have tried other ways to masturbate but I am very comfortable with the way I already enjoy it. I would be willing to explore more ways with a partner but simply do not have a desire to do so alone.
50 to 60 nor 25 to 30 is an age group I like. I usually like guys in their 40's. Is this the midlife crisis age because that would explain alot =).
I am a bit horny as I said but I dont come off as so. You would only know if I said so. And this is mostly at night when I wish someone was laying next to me. I havent had anyone to ever sleep with and cuddle with so often I long for that.
People do not assume I am lonely. I see they think the opposite. And men in general seem shocked that I am not already in a relationship.
I will aim more for men in their mid 30's & I am considering doing Zumba or Yoga.
- Original Poster.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): I am very happy for you. And the reason is this. Women with a high sex drive who channel some of that energy into starting and running a business often succeed very well at running a business. It sure channels some of that energy into a project.
Do make sure you are not projecting a unsavory message in the way you dress. Subtle and classy is good. Overly low cut or overly tight or too sexy clothing will consistently attract the wrong type of guy attention. You can still be noticed as an attractive woman when you dress classy annd subtle. And a better class of man is likely to be drawn to you. Same issue with hair and makeup. Too much makeup and cheap perfume looks unattractive and slutty.
Make sure you read widely and have some varied interests. Physical = gym and swimming. Intellectual=reading current affairs, reading political and history figures biographies. Social=join a group of people who volunteer to do something good in the community.
You need to project class, not slutty.
In the short term some of your sexual energy needs redirecting. First choice would be swimming and the gym. It will make you feel so good and keep you trim.
I'd feel happier for you if you became more selective. You don't need lots of partners. You need one loyal genuine guy who wants to settle down, with you, and who has a very high sex drive, and who likes you and you like him.
Your high sex drive is probably turning off guys who can't keep up with you. That's fine. You don't need a guy with a low sex drive.
Another recommendation for two articles in the articles section of this site, that i regard as essential reading. Both by anonymousemale1. First is how to recognise a player. Other is to sort out guys who are genuine versus guys who are only using your body as sexual sport for themselves . The title of that one is about 30 seconds after a man ejaculates.
You think you can only learn about sex and get experience by having sex? Wrong, wrong, wrong . Instead go on Amazon or another book place online and search for,
'joy of sex' its still good and relevant.
there is another book you can only buy on line about how to 'give head' and it is priceless.
Of course you should read the 'kama sutra' it will take a lot of reading it muliple times as it has great depth.
I think your masterbation techniques need a lot of work. Suggest you examine this whole site for all articles on masterbation. Because if you were masterbating in a more fulfilling way you would probably find it far more satisfying.
You will be talked about and regarded as a slut if you do sleep with one and all. And it will hurt if you continuously get involved with callous guys who only want one night stands.
You do not need to behave in a slutty way. You could contract all manner of sexually transmitted diseases. And as you work with children, and if word got out that you were seen behaving in an unseemly way it could jeopardise your good name and your employment.
Do not waste your good heart and your time on a married man (if one accidentally crosses your path looking for sex). You need a man who has 100% of his time to give you. You need more than a man who can only give you a small part of his time.
I take issue that an older man can teach you more. The values and attitudes of men over 50 to 60, if you scratch the service, are often passe attitudes to sex. Besides older men often have less stamina and take more time to recover for the next round. Go for a guy aged around 25 to 30. I think you will be pleasantly surprised.
if you want a long term satisfying sex life please do not be too eager too early for sex. It sends all the wrong messages. Guys like to feel the sex means something to the girl IF HE LOOKING FOR A LONG TERM relationship. He likes to get to know the girl well to qualify if she is the right girl for him
That's why it is so important for you to redirect some of your libido into other fulfilling activities that satisfy you in other ways.
Guys just looking for fast sexual relief don't care if you enjoy it or not.
No arrogant immature gangster type guys, please. They only need a receptacle for their manpiece. Either a wet strength paper bag or any available female orifice.
You deserve much better than that.
Full marks for the determination and commitment to lose all that weight.
Now is not the time to ruin all that good work.
You need to first get a handle on all that estrogen raging in your body (your hormone levels were also probably affected by your weight loss). Don't go back to being fat to depress your healthy sex drive.
Your healthy sex drive can be managed, safely. The solutions you choose have to be safe and supportive of you. Not solutions that could harm you in any way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Ill clean up...
I think you went thru some experiences and now you know what you want in terms of a relationship, which is excellent. You want a lasting one...a respectful guy too and not a creeper mccreeperton in the back of john smiths group photo haha. Now, focusing away from sex and in personality, what else do you desire?
Narrow that down thats important cause if you just go out there with what nothing that specifically are looking for in a guy, you wil end up settling. Fact. Ive done it.
I want to note I admire your self control as you are indeed in a high sex drive lol ;)...but yet arent just going to sleep with any man just for your own sexual gratification. That speaks somewhat of your character right there. Also, with the weight loss. Nicely done! Thats not easy I bet even if you did have surgery. Its all about your end goal and if you achieved it.
You have confidence which is a plus because you know what youre looking for in a relationship. try going thru fam or friends as they tend to know you the best and can therefore possibly set you up away from the grease lol. Stay away from bars night clubs and all that risky party crap lol...too much risk that youll just run into a guy who wants a piece of ur skirt and then thats it. You need quality and deserve quality so have some quality people help you out. Good luck.
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