A
male
age
30-35,
*luenee
writes:I'm really in need of your advice here! I've asked 7-8 questions regarding my relationship with her, but i'm not getting responses from you guys. I fall in love with my closest friend lets say A.. Closest among all, and now my best friend and gf. both.. we've shared lots of time together in this last one year and trust, respect, honesty, is very much between us. But one thing is that we are not in a relationship. She is in relationship with next guy lets say S. She's recently been abroad for study. And S and me here studying. So we don't have chance to date.. I know about S but he doesnt know about me.. My girlfriend A and me have lots of discussions going on in last days regarding accepting me or not. I told her if she can't accept me, then just continue your previous relationship and make it better. But she says she can't now. She can't accept me, accepting has lots of things to be thought and adds that the habit of sharing with each other and this trust gets decreased if we're in relationship.. Neither she lets me leave her nor she is leaving her relationship with S to accept me.. She's now abroad. And she told me that he (s) doesn't know her no. And is in no contact. She added that she is trying to keep him away from her life... Its not what is bein portrayed by one of the close friends, who's in same hostel where A is staying abroad and in same college there.. (lets call her P).. She has been saying to me that A is continuing with S normally so just leave your relationship with A. you'll be hurt. And today is valentines day. A and me already finished chatting and she fell asleep. My friend P said to me that S had called on her (P's) cell phone to contact A to call her online in yahoo. She also said me that A has given her number to him and when i was chatting with her, she was chatting with S at same time. But when i asked A while chatting if she's talking with me only or chatting with others too, then said she was chatting with only me.. Now what? What shall i do? Whom to believe what to beleive. I don't want myself to be hurt badly.. Nor do i want her to be hurt.. I love her so much. I know i've started doubting her. BUT WHY WOULD P LIE WITH ME.. What shall i do? P has said to me that she would talk with A directly later on today. But if she asks her, then sure it will raise questions over my trust over A.. What shall i do? Should i just let it go. And just let it happen, what's happenin, and taking A lightly and get away from her without letting her know? ORShould i talk with her directly? We are having lots of discussions over accepting. And she cries over my rudeness to her.. She gets hurt.. I'm now really in dilemma what to do or what not to do? I'm serious about her.. If i weren't serious about her, i would not have cared.. But i'm serious.. And if she loves me, then why she's behaving normally with her existing bf "S".. If its true, then why is she lying with me that she'd not given her number to him and not in contact with him? What's going on? I can bear the loss of other friend and just her presence, but in her absence i don't care about others.. i can't bear her loss from my life.. I'm really in need of your suggestions.. hope for your response
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (14 February 2011):
 when a person really likes another they overlook lots of potential flaws.
i think this girl enjoys being pursued. It flatters her ego.
But i do not think gal considers you as a serious contender to rival her other guy.
And she is too embarassed to tell you the truth.
So she talks to you. And gets your hopes up. That is unfair to you.
This girl enjoys the fact that you are very interested in her.
Yet she has not the courage to tell that there is not much hope for you,
The pursuit is everything to this girl.
She enjoys the feeling that you like her. And you would do almost anything you can to sway her closer to you.
You do not want to hear it.
But this girl has no intention of leaving her existing guy
And she does have a guy.
You are great guy who deserves better than to have to put up with a lower % of attention than you are likely to enjoy, give and receive in a committed exclusive relationship.
You may want a different answer. But all the signs point to her choosing to stay with him.
And Aunts are less likely to choose ways for you to undermine thiis girl's primary relationship.
That's not how good Aunts think. The primary relationship exists. And should be respected,
Unless she slowly fall out of loves with him, then she is not going to become yoir exclusive relationship. And even then
It's a hard lesson, but it is the truth.
Widen your search for a beautiful calm, woman who is availabe. And who will
Willingly lover you 24/7
Sometimes the advice the OP wants to hear 'advice' that cannot be dispenced.
Especially because such advice is not the truth. The Aunts here like giving you the truth
A
male
reader, Aluenee +, writes (14 February 2011):
Aluenee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wanted more advice, but no one is here to help me. Dear cupid, I'm off with you. When I needed you, you faced away.
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A
male
reader, Aluenee +, writes (14 February 2011):
Aluenee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do appreciate your comments. Thanks. I really need more and more advices. If she 's no feelings for me then what were those days we spent together. Those unforgettable moments? Were they just a moment? How not to believe that she doesn't love me? The truth is i can't leave her. Just before three days. I'd ignored her for same topic. Regarding acceptin me but she said bla bla. And i ignored her. She wept.. But my fren said she'll continuing her relation with him. Does that mean she lied with me? No one ever understood her as i did. And i've spent time with her. S NEVER GOT chance for that as i been with her since last year, what to believe what not do. I can't even say to her that P,my fren said u are continuing normally with your present relationship. I don't wanna make P be bad in others eyes. Then how to talk with her? P had said me that she'll talk with A in the evening. Lets see what happens
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): I'm a girl and I say talk to her directly. It's the best thing to do because thats what all girls would want. And really try to be sincere and not rude.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): If you dont want to be hurt then leave her alone....Yes you may have feelings for her, but you both are not, in my opinion, in the right place or may not be entirely suitable for a relationship...Just because you are obsessed with her does not mean you are in love...When it comes to relationships people feel lots of emotions which they mistake for love...True love is not selfish, true love is patient, true love is not obsessive...Pull yourself together..Plus what if she finally dates you then what?? You think you are going to live happily ever after...You are still young so stop giving yourself a hard time ..Geez...Expand your social circle..Get a hobby..Plan for your future i.e. study, career and stop giving yourself emotional stress over a girl who obviously is not that into you...Just because she is kind to you, talks to you, doesn't mean she really wants you as a boyfriend...Maybe all she wants is for you to be her friend or she is just playing games in which case (ie game playing), I say run....Take a step back and start to build yourself as a person..the right girl will come along in time and please it is best to set your eyes on one that is free, not one who is involved with someone else otherwise you'll end up in a stressful situation...Learn from this
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