A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my husband for over a decade, we've been married for 7 years and have one child so far and one on the way. Over the years, my mother in law has made several disrespectful comments about my mom and some of my other family members. She basically hates my mother and in my opinion it's for no valid reason. My mom is not the type to be confrontational, while my MIL seems to enjoy being abrasive because she does it all the time. Not even being biased. My MIL owns her own business and has a reputation for being rude an unprofessional at times. My mom was speaking to a client who was venting about my MIL and my mom said "If I were you, I'd take my business elsewhere" based on all of what that client was complaining about. This client goes directly to my MIL and repeats what was said and my MIL feels that this gives her a reason to talk down on my mom, make threats to sue her or "beat her ass" and call her names like bitch and scammer (not true) all in front of me and other family members. This has been ongoing for years now and I'm so tired of her. If my mom says anything about her negatively, it's not in front of me, my child, or my husband. At this point, I feel that my MIL is the problem and some of her family members even agree. With me being pregnant again, I'm stressing out because I want my mom in the delivery room, but I don't want my husband's mom there at all. I just feel like it will be another issue because something happened between the two at the birth of our first child...I was heavily medicated and can't remember. Is it wrong that I don't want my MIL there? I just feel like her energy will be off because she refuses to let the past stay there, while my mom wouldn't even press the issue at the hospital. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 December 2019):
 Just tell your husband, you want him and your mom there NO ONE else.
And IF MIL shows up, make sure the staff knows that you do NOT want more people in the delivery room. The maternity and Delivery staff are VERY good at keeping "unwanted" people out in a very polite and businesslike manner so YOU don't have to tell her to go away.
And since the baby is coming out of YOUR body, I think it's TOTALLY OK for you to tell your husband that you DO NOT want her here for the delivery.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2019): How many people plan to be in the delivery room???
Hospitals usually allow only designated-individuals in. Rarely is there many more than one. If you want noone at all, just tell them so! She can't just come barging in.
To tell the truth, it makes no sense that it matters so much to her anyway; if she doesn't really like you or your mother.
This is all a bunch of catty-female nonsense, that you and your mother could have throttled years ago. You're being wimpy, because she's loud and boisterous.
Why on earth would you marry into a family like that anyhow?
If your mother is non-confrontational, why does she keep placing herself within reach of your nasty MIL? Seems she'd keep her distance, and have nothing to do with the witch!
If you're going to go through life passive or submissive; people will walk all over you. You and your mother are afraid of her, and you don't seem to have a husband who gives a flying-fig; so I guess life with MIL is no picnic!!!
Stop cowering at your MIL, and tell her you don't want her in the delivery room. Otherwise, your teet-sucking mama's boy of a husband will drag the hag in to watch you scream and push.
Honestly, I don't really think you'll be that much aware of her presence, if you know what I mean? You'll either be too doped-up;or too busy pushing a human being out of your body to worry about the fact that she's there!
Cute sweet-smelling new-babies turn even nasty MILs into mush. Just look forward to getting a little slimmer, and holding your bundle of joy! Don't worry yourself about that old hag!!! My guess is she'll dote all over the baby and forget how ornery she is!
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (30 November 2019):
 I think that since you're the one giving birth, it's your right to say who you'd like in the delivery room with you.
As far as the whole beef between your mom and MIL goes, perhaps try not to get involved or even comment on the situation and escalate things, especially since you're expecting. The added stress isn't needed. People with that sort of energy can very seldom be stopped and the best way one can react to it is to simply move on with your lives in the most positive way possible... She raised your husband after all. She WILL be in your lives long term, regardless, because of that fact. Continue to be the best parents that the two of you possibly can be to your kids without letting her negativity influence you guys. With that being said, perhaps everybody should try not to make comments to any clients/customers of hers because in situations where there is gossip, it doesn't end well. It almost always gets back to the person. Your mom should never have said anything. It's better not to make comments on certain things especially when it's all so close to home. You don't want there to be even more friction in the family, whether the comments are true or not is irrelevant. Everyone is grown, It just isn't worth it. However, I do think that a boundary needs to be established because she can't keep trash talking your mom, you know?
I do wonder, What does your husband think about all of this?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2019): It's totally reasonable to want YOUR mom there and not your mother in law. Frankly it's weird that your mil would even think she was welcome. Even if she was the loveliest woman on earth she's not your mother and it's your labor and it's your choice who should be there. She might get her nose bent out of shape but she's already unpleasant so how much worse can it get?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (30 November 2019):
 Put your foot down NOW, well in advance, and tell your MIL that you only want your husband and your mother in the delivery room. Tell her she is, of course, very welcome to come and meet the baby once it has arrived but that, while you are in the delivery room, you need to just be with the two people closest to you.
She sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant woman but you need to learn to get along with her for the sake of your husband and your children.
Also, perhaps you need to stop seeing your own mother through rose coloured glasses. She had other options when listening to your MIL's customer's complaints. She could have not commented at all, apart from empathising. She could have said something neutral like "perhaps she was having a bad day" (running your own business can be stressful). She did not HAVE to suggest the customer took their custom elsewhere. Regardless of her faults, your MIL has probably worked hard to set up and maintain her business and it is little surprise she reacted badly to your mother's comment. Perhaps if you show your MIL a little empathy, she may become a nicer person. It is hard to be horrible when people are being nice to you.
As for her constantly running your mum down, I would just keep shutting down such conversations as soon as they start. Walk away. Hold your hand up and say "Please don't speak about my mother in that way in my presence". Your MIL will soon learn that her behaviour is not acceptable.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2019): Omg it’s YOUR birth and honestly I don’t know why you would even consider having your mil there . She sounds horrendous . Tell your husband to keep her far away and if he argues tell him it will just be yoh and your mother at the birth and he can wait with his mother at her house for a phone call to say the baby has arrived
Wow as a mother of four I cannot believe a family would even xo wider putting you through this or that your husband would allow this type of stress on his pregnant wife . Frankly I’d be furious he wasn’t intervening and telling his mother to back off
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 November 2019):
 You are the one giving birth, you are the one who is going to have all her private parts on full display, you are the one who needs to be comfortable in the delivery room.
If you don't want your mother in law in the delivery room with you make sure you tell the hospital NOW, and your doctor at your next visit. Tell your husband too now, if he starts prevaricating explain to him as per my comments above. Last time she was there it did not go well between her and your mother, and you would prefer to not repeat that experience.
If he asks why your mother is permitted its because SHE gave birth to you. If he doesn't behave himself ban him too1
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