A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 18 and I've not slept with anyone before and it doesn't help that when i go out in the evenings and meet guys that i'm so tempted to sleep with them! Two nights ago, I met this guy and we were really on it with each other!! I couldn't get enough, he was really good with his hands and such a good kisser that it was massive turn on and when he asked if i wanted to stay at his i really, really wanted to say yes! But obviously, i don't want my first to be a one night thing. This isn't the first time this has happened.. It's just being at university, there's so much temptation around me that i'm finding it harder and harder to not give in!! I don't know what to do, i just don't want to be that girl who has one night stands, or have the massive regret of my first being with a stranger. How can i stop myself, or get over this massive urge to sleep with someone! Especially, when i want to so badly and the temptation is always there...
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): I was a virgin at 19 and all my friends had (apparently) been having sex for years. I thought I was the only virgin my age in the world and just wanted to "get rid" of it. So when an opportunity arose (drunk with a stranger whose last name I didn't know and who I gladly haven't seen since), I decided I might as well. It was a disaster. It was painful and I was shocked by how big he was (looking back, he was probably average but I'd honestly never seen an erect penis up close and had expected something a lot smaller), which made me tense up and he couldn't even get it inside me properly. He gave up after about two minutes and left the room. The next day I cried non-stop for four hours. I felt cheap and dirty, I was disgusted by my own behaviour and wished I could be a virgin again and give myself to someone I cared about. The thought of the guy made my skin crawl. I was sore and bled a bit and for months was terrified of having an STD (I got tested in the end because I just could not quiet my mind). This happened 8 years ago and, although it no longer bothers me, I sometimes think about it and wish my first time had been with someone special. Now I just remember the first time as something dark and horrible that I would rather erase from my memory completely. This is just what happened to me. I'm sure that the first time can be great, even if it's with a person you've just hooked up with. But if you care about your first time being with a guy you know and trust, which you seem to do and which is good, then make sure that that is how it is the first time.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 Masturbation?Though at the same time, if you really just want to have sex and trust the guy a lot, have sex. I lost my virginity in a hook-up with a guy I trusted and I don't look back and wish I'd done it differently.Though like Chigirl says, if you want a boyfriend, hooking up and meeting people are parties probably isn't a great way to get one. If it's important to you that you have a boyfriend first, try flirting with some guys in your classes and ask someone out.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 If you find it hard to say no once the action gets on, and the temptation is high, you have to stop putting yourself into positions where you are tempted and where it is hard to say no! If you start making out with a guy and get turned on you have to stop making out with random guys at parties. Or stop drinking if that is what is affecting you.
It is NOT hard to say no if you actually do not want it. I think it is more a problem of you actually wanting it, and it not mattering so much to you if your first time is a one night stand. But you worry what others will think, and what you "should" do as opposed to what you want. Should and want are not the same. You think you shouldn't have a one night stand, but maybe that is what you actually want.
If what you actually want is to have a boyfriend and then have sex you would not be making out with randoms guys that are not your boyfriend, because such encounters rarely result in a relationship.
If you are horny, and want your first to be with a boyfriend, then start looking for a boyfriend instead of hooking up with random guys.
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