A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has just suddenly told me he doesnt know what he wants in life. We havent been together very long (8 months). He said he lets things get on top of him and he feels pressure from work, friends, me, his parents... I told him i'm happy to step back and just see each other once a month and not to worry, hoping this will let him see he won't lose me when he's struggling (he knows i'm always there for him plus it's giving him space and not have to feel he always has to give me attention. I really do not want to lose him i love him so much. He did say if he doesn't know what he wants how can i help him? How can i show him / let him know i dont want him to give up on our relationship without putting pressure on him?Ii don't want him rushing into a decision that he later regrets. Thanks in advance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2016): Hi im the op , giving an update - his parents rely on him alot because they dont have full health and ones very ill , so alot of pressure was on him for that. he had some issues with some staff at work and with xmas too it was all getting to him including trying to keep me happy . i just said to him ill give him space and loads of other stuff that he can talk to me about anything and stuff like that but i need to know if he wants me or not , he replied and said yes he wants me he loves me and sorry for being how he was . I didnt have a go at him i kept it all pleasant and calm and we are back on track :) im just so happy. Thanks again both of you for the advice
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (4 January 2016):
 Ask him if he thinks his life is really better without you. You seem to be offering a lot of understanding. However if what you are doing doesn't help, it isn't helping if that makes sense.
At some point he needs to make his mind up about you because you can't be expected to wait around for ever.
And what is all this pressure he claims he's suffering? Is it an excuse? He needs to work out on which side his bread is buttered. I mean, parents..? Work..? We all have those.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2016): I'm not sure why your boyfriend would suddenly say this to you unless he's trying to tell you he wants something to change. What was his reply when you said you would be happy to step back and only meet once a month? If this is all he wants (or maybe not even that) then I would take it that he wants to finish the relationship and doesn't know how to tell you. It may be that he is truly feeling swamped with everything, but I would say that if he is mad about you, you would be the last thing to go and also the person who would give you energy etc. That's how I would feel anyway.Maybe ask him outright does he want to end the relationship? At least this way you would know. Men are notoriously bad at ending relationships. They often make things uncomfortable until the woman finishes it. This may be what's he's doing. I don't it think sounds as if he is rushing into a decision. I think it sounds as if he's thought about this for a while. If he does make the decision to end things and he does regret it, then make sure he knows you are open to talk about it. If I were you though, I think the best thing you can do is leave him to it. If I were you I would say, 'ok you're struggling with everything and you don't know what you want, I'll get out of your hair and let you sort things out' and then leave him completely alone. No contact, nothing. This is your best chance I think of making him realise that he misses you. He may not of course, he may want out, but the best way to help HIM is to retreat. I would ask him though to not leave you hanging and let you know what his decision is. Meanwhile, go out and let him know that you aren't sat at home waiting for him. Personally I think this is your best chance, because I also think that in reality he wants to finish it. Sorry. Saying you don't know what you want is a pretty classic way of saying you don't want what you've got. But human nature being what it is, he may just want what he suddenly hasn't got....you.
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