A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HelloCan anyone offer any advice? I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months. At the start of our relationship he was a little bit of a jack the lad. He had this beautiful girl texting him, just as friends apparantly always had lots of kisses on the end of every message. He told me they were just friends, he used to personal train her and they are interested in the same sport. She also happens to be tall slim and very gorgeous, she used to be a model. Anyway he swore nothing ever happened with them. Then I found out not so long ago that was a lie and before we got together they had been sleeping together and seeing each other. He told me he never told me as didn't want to upset me and I didn't need to know as was before me and him and that he was so sorry he lied and he never will again. Anyway months have gone by since they last text but it still eats away at me. I always think what would happen if she got in touch again and they have so much in common. I am not into his sport, I have tried it but am not very good and it just makes me feel inadequate to her. He tells me he loves me and I am the one for him but how can I overcome my insecurities. I always feel like I am just second best to her and he settled for me as he maybe couldnt get her. I may sound needy and insecure but this is how I feel and it gets me down everyday.I haven't told him how I feel as I don't want him to think I am this needy girlfriend. Help!
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 May 2012):
 You have to be firm and tell him that contacting ex lovers is off limits to you. You don't need someone who violates that boundary. How is that needy? Sucking it up does not make you a confident secure person. He lied to you and as they were just friends. You can't trust him now when he says the same thing. He swore! No, I won't trust this guy.
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