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female
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anonymous
writes: I have posted a few times already about this, but would just appreciate some more advice, because I really don't know how to deal with it. My boyfriend of 18 months is going overseas on his OE in only 2 weeks time.He's had this plan for years (he's 24), and to him, its all about experiencing the world, and freedom, independence etc. Of course I understand that, but we have a wonderful relationship and I can't stand the thought of him going. It's even possible for me to go over there, but he has said numerous times that he has to be over there, and away from me to find out how strong his feelings are for me, and if he needs me. He hasn't said "I definitely don't think I want you there", or "i'd love you to come"- he simply doesn't know. Right now I'm swinging between being hopeful about the possible opportunity to join him, and being depressed that could be the last time I see him again. I can't stand that everything is so out of my control- how should i be dealing with this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2006): There is an old saying "love is like a butterfly, if you hold it too close you'll crush it but let it go and if it comes back it's yours forever, if it doesnt, it was never yours in the first place".
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (16 May 2006):
 If he ahsn't made these plans with you and to include you then he wants to go alone. You need to let him go hun! If you try to impose yourself on him and get him to ask you he will resent you.
Sorry thats just how I see it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2006): I agree, don't wait around for him. He needs to travel across the world to know if he wants to be with you? That sounds strange to me. If I didn't ask my girlfriend outright if she wanted to come with me, it would be because I don't want her to come.
Ask him outright. Tell him you want to share those experiences with him. If he says no, you know where you stand.
You have to remember though that he has planned this before meeting you, so you can't blame him for still wanting to go. Travelling at that age is a big thing for a lot of people. It would however be unfair on the both of you to expect to stay in a relationship. You would want to contact him, and he'd have to contact you, and no doubt both of you would be pretty unhappy throughout the time he is away.
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female
reader, angelbaby +, writes (16 May 2006):
 Apparently he really wants to be free to do whatever he wants to do so just stop begging and let him go-forever
He is going so pick up your life now and don't wait for him because you will be wasting your time and life waiting for a man who has to be there alone!
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