A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi recently found out that I am about a month pregnant. I am considering abortion since, I am not married, still in school, with exams, thesis to write. I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year, but things are rocky. We broke up about 5 months ago, mainly because I was moving away for grad school and he wasn't sure about his feelings are. Basically saying he doesn't know if we have a future together. But, I really do love him, and we got back together 3 months ago. Ever since, am always doubting the relationship. I know that he is a good guy, but I just feel a baby is really not what I need now with all the uncertainties with school, job and him. I am tempted to just get an abortion without telling him, it just seems less stressful / painful to me and I just feel that the knowledge of the pregnancy will just cast a dark shadow upon us. Put this straight, it will hurt me a lot if he wants the abortion , which am pretty sure he will ( but i feel that's the best choice too?) This sounds really convoluted as I am losing my mind. I just think if I go through this alone, I know it's 100% my decision and will not feel resentment towards him. I just don't want more drama that could possibly poison our relationship if I have already made up my mind?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): Ignorance is bliss OP. He doesn't need to know when it sounds like you have one foot out of the door of this relationship anyway.
You have good reasons why not to, if you have any kind of future he'll understand those reasons when you tell him, assuming you last long enough for you to do so.
Do get help with this though, set up some support structures.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013): If you plan on continuing your relationship with your boyfriend long-term I don't think you should keep pregnancy and abortion a secret from him (unless you want to hide it from him because he is abusive but in that case I would encourage you to leave anyway)
Even though an abortion may be the best decision for you, you may still experience grief and guilt many years later and if you end up needing help to work through these emotions it might be hard to conceal this from your partner if you're still with him. Concealing this from him may even add to your grief and guilt.
If you DON'T plan on continuing the relationship with him then I don't see such a great need to tell him.
I speak from experience regarding abortions. I had one when I was the about same age as you. I felt nothing but relief at the time (and some anger towards myself for having been stupid enough to get pregnant in the 1st place) I was a student and my boyfriend was supportive in my decision. 10 years on I am experiencing far more grief regarding the abortion than I ever did at the time. I still feel it was the right decision for me at the time but I'm still experiencing grief.
Good luck. I understand how confusing things are at a time like this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013): I think you should do what feels right to you since you will carry the pregnancy to term.
But if you decide not to tell him, this will drive a wedge between you. Secrets create distance between people.
Good luck whatever you decide.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 December 2013):
 You will need his support going through this and honestly he MADE that pregnancy as much YOU did.
I would figure out first 100% what YOU want to do then sit him down and tell him. Hopefully he will be supportive of your choice and be there for you.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (8 December 2013):
 I don't think there's anything wrong with not telling him in this case. As you said, you are not sure what is happening and it will be a huge strain on you emotionally to tell him (though if you stay with him long term you do need to tell him). What if you had a close friend or family member help you out with this?
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