A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My in laws made it a rule last year that I cannot come to their home, RV or Cabin without being vaccinated. His parents also said a lot of bad things about me in the past year very hurtful things. His parents didn’t want him to marry me. He moved an hour away to live in the same city as me. His parents said for New Years I could come to their cabin if I got tested for covid. I had plans and I don’t want a relationship with his parents right now. My husbands mom now on several occasions invited my husband ex wife over to their house for dinner. My husband mom keeps trying to have him come out to their home when his ex is there. I told him that’s not okay or appropriate. I also was recently vaccinated for work purposes. I told my husband and he told his parents. I respected what his parents wanted by not coming to their home. I no longer want a relation with them. His parents are very controlling and get upset that I don’t want to come out. His mom is trying to have him get back with his ex. His mom also wants him to move back to their home town. I told my husband it’s fine if he wants to see his parents and sisters but I don’t want to. I don’t want a relationship with them they didn’t come to the wedding. I feel as if they burned their bridge and there has been so much drama. I am not sure what to do his parents keep throwing fits about me not wanting to have dinner with them. I may want a relationship in the future but not now. I feel as if I I need time to heal from all of the drama. I am wrong for feeling this way? Yes
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 March 2022):
 I don't blame you for not wanting to have them in your life, and think you can give yourself some time.
Eventually though, I do think you should consider mending the bridge with them. They are family, and estrangement will put unnecessary pressure on your marriage, no matter how understanding your husband may be.
There is a lot of incorrect 'information' bandied about regarding the vaccines, and the news outlets have played a big role in that. However, it's up to us how we act, or don't act, because of it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2022): You're right, you're not obligated to have a relationship with anyone. Only, these people happen to be your husband's parents, and they happen come as part of the package when you married their son.
You don't have to like them, and they don't have to like you; but sooner or later you will have to travel in each-other's territory. Be civil, and let them be the ones who behave like jackasses.
Not sure why your husband would tell you what they say about you, knowing how it would upset you? If they cut him out of their will, seems they're not crazy about neither one of you!
As there are two or three sides to every story; we're working with yours for now. They still get just a little benefit of the doubt; because sometimes people have a reason (or reasons) for not liking someone. It's strange they won't even compromise, or at least form a peace treaty.
These days, people take certain stances on race, politics, and social issues; and they have to be nasty obnoxious jerks about it. Everyone digs in their heels on where they stand, and nobody gives an inch. Our country is so divided, sometimes I don't recognize it. It seems like a totally different universe. Well, where there's no God, there's no truth or goodness. The world becomes toxic and chaotic.
Love or hate them from a distance. Tolerate being in their presence only when it's absolutely necessary.
Careful who you reject and disrespect; you never know who you'll have to turn to when hit with a crisis or a catastrophe! That goes for all of you! People can lose everything they have in the blink of an eye; and have no-one to turn to and nowhere to go, because they've made so many enemies.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2022): Original Poster-Wise one and anonymous female writer. Yes I respected his parents rules it was how I was treated during the process. Yes sure his ex can come to their home I do not care. It’s how they called me names and talked badly about me. My husband for one should not have told me what they said on several occasions. His parents don’t know I know everything they said about me. I am not obligated to have a relationship with anyone. I am not wrong for feeling this way. I have every right. Yes I understand his parents frustration but there has been so much drama from them. His dad even went as far as to cutting my husband out of his will because I was not vaccinated. His parents kept starting drama over and over again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2022): Typo correction:
"Based on your history with your in-laws, you may not have an option about [developing an] amiable relationship."
P.S.
Your in-laws don't get the benefit of telling their side of the story; or to explain why they don't like you. If the fact your husband doesn't play the diplomat in this situation is any indication; you could almost conclude that he understands why they don't like you. Thus he feels he may as well stay neutral. He deserves some benefit of the doubt, considering we really don't know his take on things either. One fact still remains, you are his wife; and you deserve to be treated properly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2022): "I may want a relationship in the future but not now. I feel as if I I need time to heal from all of the drama. I am wrong for feeling this way?"
Good-impressions go a long way, and sometimes people will immediately judge us on how we come across on just the first meeting. Your in-laws set a rule that they had every right to enforce regarding their cabin, RV, and home. As for his ex, they can invite whomever they like. She has apparently made a good impression on them; and they all like each-other. Your defiance of their house rules boils-down to disrespect. They wanted everyone to be safe, and they have all the rights that you have.
Based on your history with your in-laws, you may not have an option about a amiable relationship. If your husband didn't play the part of peacemaker in this whole scenario; I guess he doesn't care whether they like you or not.
He is the key to everyone getting along. Aside from the vaccination fiasco, he should make sure his parents are civil to his wife. They don't have to like you, but they should treat you politely and respectfully. You should do the same. If you strut around with attitude and arrogance, who can blame them for liking his ex better?
You and hubby really need to talk. You need to straighten this mess out! It's ridiculous!
You're not going anywhere, and he's not going to remarry his ex; hence, he has the responsibility of helping his parents to see the light. You are his wife now, and you come as an inseparable pair! Whether they like it or not!!! They can't invite him and his ex, and exclude you.
Seriously?!!
If he had a pair of nuggets in his sack; once you were vaccinated, he would have made it clear that if he's invited, you're invited. If not, you're both no-shows! Maybe when his testicles drop, and he grows-up; he'll straighten all this out. Careful now, don't trip over his umbilical cord!
By the same token, you should be gracious and respectful to your in-laws; and try at some point to extend an olive branch. You can put-on your nonchalant uppity-attitude, while his ex is enjoying all the perks!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 February 2022):
 "I am wrong for feeling this way? "
No.
You feel how you feel.
I have to ask though, HOW does your husband feel about all this? Do you not consider his feeling as all? Is it more important that you "snub" them back because they didn't/don't like you?
You know, it's possible to be civil with people you can't stand.
As for them inviting his ex over, jeeez that does say it all doesn't it?
His parents sound like idiots.
As for not wanting you at their cabin/house if you are unvaccinated, THAT is their choice. We all can agree or disagree with that. I think it was a GREAT excuse for you to not have to visit!
"I may want a relationship in the future but not now. "
Relationships, friendships are not a toy you can put down and then later pick up. If you can't even be civil or be in the same room as them now, there might not BE a future relationship with them. That is something to consider.
How is your husband's relationship with his parents?
IS he OK with them inviting his ex over? Or does he say, hi ex I was just leaving? And tell his parents if they keep doing this, he isn't coming to see them? Or does he stay and pretend all is well?
He is the ONE that should help YOU figure out how to make this work. If you are OK with not seeing his folks, HE is OK with it, then so be it. If he is not, then YOU and he needs to figure something out.
It sounds exhausting to deal with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2022): Feelings are one thing, being married is a different ballgame. When you marry someone, you kind of become part of their family and they become part f yours. That's the deal. They were absolutely right in refusing to spend time with someone who had refused to get vaccinated for whatever reason (except for serious health reasons, of course). It is a risk. Of course they would have wanted you to get tested at least. COVID is especially dangerous for the elderly.It seems that your husband likes his family and that they treat him fine. I have no idea how they treated you, but from what you wrote I see that you behave carelessly and selfishly. You can change that.Husbands, wives, bfs, gfs, partners, friends... come and go, but family lasts much, MUCH longer. That is just the way it is.
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