A
female
age
30-35,
*aileeKS
writes:So me and this guy are what you'd call "freinds with benefits" We're pretty good freinds, and after we have sex its not like awkward to talk to him or just be his freind. I don't even get jealous when were together and he's desperately flirting with my best freind. We're the only two people who know about our little "arrangement" and if anyone ever suggested we actually got into a real relationship, (especially considering the fact we can't agree on a single thing) I'm not too sure how I would feel about that. I don't want a relationship but at my age (i'm 16 he's 17) is this wrong?
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female
reader, BaileeKS +, writes (25 August 2008):
BaileeKS is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. And yes I have though about all that through up to the whole divorcing sex from emotions thing. I was talking to my sister about it about a year back and she was saying how, with her current boyfriend, when she had sex, there was a totally different feeling than when she was just having sex with some random guy at a party. it was more than just "o there is some guy on top of me fucking me".
Yes, I always make sure that a condom comes into play. Thw whole no strings attatching this was thoughroughly discussed beforehand. I am way too involved in school to even have time for a relationship not to mention I don't want one. He has had commitment problems since he was a kid because of the environment he was raised in. I also dont believe we could ever work out because as I mentioned we dont agree on anything and we have quite a past together. And the whole legal thing is WAY WAY EXTREMELY more complicatd than you realize.
A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (24 August 2008):
 OK, first thing that comes to mind is "safe sex". The one thing that could bring this whole thing to a tragic end is an unwanted pregnancy or either of you introducing some disease into the mix. So condoms are a must, and a backup means of birth control like a pill in ADDITION would not be all that bad an idea.
Next, depending on the jurisdiction, there could be some legal troubles because in some areas you are under age (and in some, so is he). If your parents or the authorities chose to raise a stink about it, it could mean that either or both of you could end up in some really serious trouble that could follow you for the rest of your life.
The third problem is an emotional one. You are starting out early divorcing sex from its emotional context. While that's not really "wrong" in any absolute sense, it does leave out one of the deepest dimensions of the act. Getting into that habit as early as you are could form a habit of making that kind of connection, and could make it more difficult for you to form loving sexual bonds later in life.
One more is that you should be really sure that both of you feel the same way about your connection. These things can get really awkward if one of you thinks you're just being casual about it while the other finds himself (or herself) falling hard for the other. So make it real explicit and do reality checks from time to time. And have some way that either of you can call a halt to it in the future with no recriminations if you want to get into an exclusive arrangement with someone else. (And think ... how are you going to feel if he does that? Will you be OK about it?)
OK, I think I've put up all the danger signs I need to put up for you. Now let's be real for a minute. You're close enough to being a grown-up to know what the heck life is about. You undoubtedly know all the things that I said above already, and have taken them into consideration. And given the fact that you're already doing what you're doing, I'm assuming that you've decided that you can handle these things OK. If there are any of them, or other issues you can think of, that you HAVEN'T given enough thought to, call a time-out and think things through. There's nothing inherently wrong with the FWB relationship. It can work out really well. Just be sure that you've covered all the bases. As long as the arrangement is fulfilling to the two of you, more power to you.
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