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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Why do men like to watch porn? I was raised in a christian family, and for me that is so hard to take...I feel betrayed when I find out that my husband was watching it and masturbating...and the worst is, i feel like he does not find me attractive anymore... if he did, why would he go after that? and by himself? Am wrong to feel like this? what goes on your mind when you are in a relationship and do that? I just wanted to understand...oh, and for the record, I'm not freaked out by anything else...I'm very open minded in bed, and will do whatever turns us on...anything that doesn't involve a third personSo, that's my question...can anyone help? Is he betraying me like I imagine? is he having lust for the woman he is watching? or is it just the acting that turns men on?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): my best friend's husband was addicted to porn and attended therapy to save their marriage. here is what i learned from her experience:porn is about CONTROL for men. just as CEREBRUS explained in his post, it allows men to fully control the sexual experience. often men resort to porn as a way to regain control that they feel they've lost somewhere (job? home? family?). they do this subconsciously, of course, but i tell you this so that you don't need to be insecure about his attraction for you. it doesn't really have anything to do with you, it is his issue and if it affects your marriage (it sure would affect mine if I were you!) then he'd better seek therapy to overcome this addiction.
A
female
reader, nicewife  +, writes (30 March 2011):
Chuck out all his porn and say you wont have it in the house!Make him video you when you are both having sex this can be his new porn star you! Put on some sexy stuff and make thing fun. It will do the trick. But the only porn he gets from now on is with you.
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (28 March 2011):
 Porn is something that can be used for the benefit or destruction of the relationship. I watch porn and masturbate two or three times a day. When I am not doing that, I am having sex with someone. It gave me a lot of great ideas. In being patient and talking to the person I am with at the time, I have gotten them to try and like many things. Porn is what you make of it, just like a gun is. Yes, porn can cause people to want to not have sex, but those are idiots with issues. Yes, guns cause many deaths, but they are used for murder by psychopathic killers.
Is your husband an idiot with issues that refuses to have sex? Or, is he your average man that uses it as inspiration for a more wild and adventurous sex life?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): Have you mentioned how you feel to your husband? I too have had this problem early in my relationship with my husband. He used to like his magazines, and I would discover them in the bathroom and in our bedroom. It would hurt me too, just to find these things. I would look though them to see what it was he was looking at only to feel more hurt and insecure. I would wonder why he wanted to look at that, and why he wasn't just coming to me to get his needs. I too am open minded and willing to try new things without a third party. I talked to him about it one day and asked him why... his response was about the same as the 1st post was saying. But even after him telling me that, I did not leave the conversation feeling any better about it. He still would look at it and I would still get upset. One day I decided to ask him if he wanted to try to look at some porn together, he would bring home mags that were not really couple oriented and I was not really seeing the point. I still felt hurt by it. I have tried everything to try to feel better about it. Nothing seemed to help. Eventually I came up with an idea that I would be okay with... I suggested that we make our own "porn" video. It would be fun for us both, and he could watch it as much as he wanted without me being upset. At least it would be me he was seeing and not someone else. I also thought I could take some really sexy pictures of myself for him so he could have that too when he wanted it. Of course the pics and video would be for his eyes only, and you must have trust between you two.When it came down to it I really just didn't want his eyes to be on a woman in a way that was not right, considering that we are married. I wanted to be his one and only and his eyes to be for me exclusively. He did change for me in time. It took a lot of conversations,patience, and understanding, but in time he did change. Now I never find porn around the home. If he does look, well it is not at home... and I suppose what I don't know won't hurt me.Maybe try to talk it out, maybe get creative. Good Luck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): It's just a visual masturbation aid, to make masturbation faster and efficient there is no emotion attached to it and the women in it are nothing but a visual cue to stimulate arousal so we can get off quickly and with little fuss.
OP it's the acting, the sounds and the sight of two bodies having sex. Nothing more. It has the same significance to us as a vibrator does to a woman. When we want to masturbate most of the time we want it done quickly to feel that release not because we want sexual pleasure, if we want sex we go to our girlfriends, if we want to see and feel a beautiful woman we'll go to our girlfriends, if we want to spend the next half hour getting and giving immense pleasure and feeling completely sexually satisfied we'll go to our partner. But when want to pop one out in a couple of minutes without all the work of having sex or involving someone else masturbation is what we prefer and porn just makes that faster.
It's like standing there chopping a load of vegetables for half an hour or just throwing them into a blender. Porn is that blender, quick, easy, efficient. We can pop one out, relieve stress and tension, we don't have to bother our girlfriends if they're not in the mood (no matter how many women like to think they can be available to pleasure us 24/7 there are times when they just don't feel like it).
OP sometimes we just want to have a quick release without any emotion, with anyone else involved just ourselves, a quick meaningless release. We can spend 5-20 minutes trying to get aroused and ejaculate from a mental image or we can just look at porn. It takes out all the hassle of the warm up and allows us to get it done quickly.
As far as your husband goes try and keep an open mind but remember there is nothing wrong with the way you feel, your opinion is your own and it's as valid as anyone.
In my experience not having a problem or overcoming your problem of porn makes life easier but that's not always as simple as it sounds, plus some people just don't want to like it anyway and that's their choice.
If it is having a negative effect on your sex life then talk to him but if you are in general really satisfied with your sex life and he's not masturbating alone while you're in the mood then I don't see any problem with it.
As far as it having anything to do with how attractive you are, it doesn't, it has nothing to do with you at all. We never compare our loves to the sweaty faceless bodies we see in porn. We couldn't care less about any of that because it's just acting in a movie.
We don't desire them, we don't feel anything for them they're just objects that serve a function.
Let him know how you feel and he'll tell you what I've just told you.
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A
female
reader, springday10 +, writes (28 March 2011):
wow! i have to say i am on the same boat as you, kinda. i guess you can say i was spying on his internet surfing so to speak and i found that several porn sites on the history. yes it pissed me off!! but, i let it go. then one night we were having sex and in the middle of it he asked can i watch porn?? and i thought, wait are you serious??! i was very bothered and pissed but i denied that to him, so i let him.. i asked him why and he just said its every mans fantasy to watch porn while his wife is riding him... i dont know... we never talked about it or anything but it did bother me very much. like you, it made me feel that he finds me unattractive and that i maybe dont turn him on anymore?? i dont know. but it really hurt my self-confidence.yes, you need to talk to him. i didnt talk to my husband. but you do need to talk to him about how it makes you feel and ask him why he does it. you may find its nothing to worry about. good luck and i feel you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): Your feelings are very valid and im sorry he has done that. I'm sure hes very attracted to you, just not satisfied with the sex life. Does he know you're open minded to anything minus a third person?Porn, if it isn't communicated to the other person, is like emotional cheating to be honest and can hurt. Talk to him outside the bedroom and see whats on his mind so you two can figure things out. Good luck on this.
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