A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend broke up with me back in January. We have seen one another on and off all on her terms when she wants to meet up, when she wants to speak etc. We went away for a weekend together and ended up having sex. We then went away on holiday together and it was like nothing had changed, ended up having sex again but she still insisted she didn’t want me on a relationship basis. She’s planned to go away with friends for the weekend and I planned to go away for a week by myself to think things through. As far as I was concerned she’s made her choice now live with it. She always blamed me for not letting her spend enough time with her friends as I had an issue as they were mostly her exes so when she choose to go away with them knowing I would feel upset I booked for my own trip. But since I told her I was going she hasn’t stopped messaging me, she got quite upset and she’s an unemotional unattached person to feelings you could wish to meet. The whole time I’ve been away she’s constantly messaged me even when she’s been away with her friends and I keep asking her not to go and enjoy herself but why is she doing this? As I said she’s made her choice, she kept telling me to move on with my life so I have done and still she’s consuming all my thinking space in my head as I don’t understand why she does the things she does....
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broke up, her ex, move on, my ex, on holiday Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (27 August 2019):
She calls you come running, she has sex with you she sends you away, repeat. Do you see a pattern here. As long as you’re willing to give her access to your body she’s going to take. Perhaps it’s time you tell her no more.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 August 2019):
 You let her pull your strings even after she told you she doesn't WANT a relationship with you.
YOU give her ACCESS to your life and your mind.
IF you two are OVER, CUT all contact, BLOCK all means of contact and WORK on moving on.
She is MESSING with you EVEN while YOU are on a holiday to think things over, she can't even ALLOW you to have peace to think. Because YOU might realize that YOU do not need HER as much as SHE needs you. She doesn't WANT you, but she does NEED you to make her feel wanted.
You two are not a good match or fit. She wants to keep her exes around and call them "friends" but let's be honest... she is USING them just like she has used you. FOR attention, validation and adoration.
And ex is an ex for a reason. YOU know that. MAKE her your ex and cut her off.
Time for you to have a FRESH start and to down the line find a partner with whom you have more in common and are a better fit. Someone who wants the same things in life as you. Someone who doesn't just want you as a "groupie" but an equal partner.
YOU have to LISTEN to what she said. SHE does NOT want a relationship with YOU. Because YOU set boundaries SHE didn't like. But she also doesn't want YOU to move on. She likes a little sex and romance on tap with you. WHEN she wants it.
You need to know you deserve more, OP. And better.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2019): The short answer is that, this way she gets what she wants out of you. She wants you at her beck and call. She gets to be single most of the time, commit nothing to you, then when she is in need of the trappings of coupledom she calls you and you come running. She's angry that you are going away because you are resisting her attempts to always have you within reach.
She's not confused. She's not sending out mixed messages. Don't infer a more charitable reading of her actions. She's exercising the considerable power she has over you to keep you at arms length.
The solution is painful but simple. Tell her that you can't keep doing this, and as Honeypie says Block, and delete her on all channels. She will probably try to contact you in other ways. She'll maybe promise you the relationship that you really want but it really doesn't sound like she wants to commit to you. When the time and the person are right, it's not hard to commit so, for her, one or the other isn't right, and may never be. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2019): She's playing with you. In a nutshell she likes having you there waiting for her in the background whilst she goes off and has a good time. Until now she has had it all her way and you said so yourself - holidays, talks, even sex on her terms.
Now that you've established some independence and shown signs of breaking free of her control she doesn't like it.
That's what it is - control. Even if you temporarily block her number whilst you're away it will give you the space you need to make the decision to walk away from her. No more planning holidays with her, no more txting constantly. As you said, she made her decision.
Ps just for what it's worth - i'm with you on the going on holiday with your friends issue - it's hugely inconsiderate and inappropriate to go away with your friends leaving your partner at home when the majority are exes.
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