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I don't understand what I did wrong, and why he's acting this way now.

Tagged as: Long distance, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 September 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 5 September 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I met a guy a couple of months back while I was staying with my friend in Pittsburgh. He lives in WV, but he's only a half an hour away from her apartment to where I was staying. It was one of her boyfriends real good friends. I wanted to meet someone, and she introduced us, because she knew he was a really nice guy. At first, he seemed extremely shy and someone who was a complete sweetheart. My friend explained to me that he's been hurt a lot in the past, and he's rusty with relationships. Every girl he was ever with cheated on him and he's known for not trusting people. Weeks went on, and we ended up talking a lot and getting pretty close. I had to go back to my hometown, but we still kept in touch through texting and IM's everyday. I would still go down every other week and see him, and one weekend, he even drove the whole way from West Virginia to pick me up and take me back with him to spend the weekend with him. Everything was perfect. He said he was almost to the point of falling in love with me after a couple of months of talking, and asked me to date. I said yes, and everything was still completely perfect. I couldn't be happier, because I had such strong feelings for him despite living so far from eachother, i knew we could still make it work, because I am moving down there in a month to go to college. But soon after he asked me to date him, and i spent that weekend with him,then out of nowhere, he broke up with me. I did get a little jealous because he had so many close girlfriends that he'd talk to, and he didnt like that, so he dumped me?.. I wasn't mean about it. I just simply brought it up one night and tried to talk to him about it just so i felt more comfortable with him talking to all these females. He got pissed, and told me that we need to break up, instead of just talking it out with me. He said he's been in relationships where he's been controlled, and he's not doing that again. He said we should take things slower and work on things and I need to straighten my problems out, and another reason why he broke up with me is because I live so far, and he doesnt know what I do in my hometown.. The thing I dont understand is he knew what he was getting himself into when he asked me to date him, (The long distance relationship thing), and he still said he was okay with it, and asked me anyways.. And then he breaks up with me putting all this on me? I was really upset, but I agreed to break up anyways. It's been about a month since we broke up, and at first, things were looking okay and he was still talking to me.. But as the weeks go on, he gets more and more distant, and now he won't speak to me at all hardly. My friend talked to him the other day, and he said he really does like me, he's just been really stressed with his new job, and everything in his life right now, and that I just "dont understand him", and he wants a little breathing space, and time to adjust to this new job of his... It seems like he's making up so many excuses. I just don't understand how you can go from being completely crazy about someone, to not talking to them anymore in that amount of time, especially if he still likes me, or so he "says". He's someone I know I can trust too. If you spent a day with this guy, you would see it. I know he's not seeing anyone, and I know he's not sleeping with anyone. He wouldn't even sleep with me when we were together, because we both agreed that we wanted to make it perfect when the time came, and he also got really nervous when I went to kiss him, so I know he's not that type of person. I just don't understand what happened. Is it because his life is stressful right now?.. Do guys like to be left alone with their problems?.. I'm just really upset, because we had it planned for me to move down there and be together while I went to school. Now I'm not with him, and it upsets me and i'm nervous because I'm doing this alone right now. I'm going with or without him because I'm doing this for me, I just would have felt more comfortable if he was with me through this. But it is what it is ...I gave him some breathing space for about a week recently, and then last night I just texted him to say Hey and ask him how he's been. He did end up texting back, but shortly stopped after the 4th text, So maybe he's still not ready to talk to me. I forgot to mention, that he is Bi-polar. He told me he got diagnosed with it years back, and I'm just wondering if this could have anything to do with why he's acting like this. I don't know. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. :) thank you.

View related questions: broke up, jealous, long distance, shy, text

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A female reader, star2010 United States +, writes (5 September 2010):

he has issues. move on and keep ur head up darlin. tell your friend to quit setting yoou up with Bi-polar dudes......

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (5 September 2010):

Aunty BimBim agony auntHe dumped you because:

1, you had some concerns about all his close female friends and wanted to talk about how you felt about this?

2, he says YOU have problems

3, he says you live too far away so he doesnt know what you do when you are at home

4, he broke up with you because he has stresses at work

5, and he says you dont understand him.

and so forth and so on....

I think you should thank your lucky stars, put it down to a bad experience and move on. I doubt he is the one that was being controlled by all those nasty women who have done him wrong, he seems to be the one with all the problems.

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