A
male
age
36-40,
*opefulache
writes:I'm still in love with my ex, I broke up with her twice, and I still want to be with her. I want to marry her and do everything with her and for her, we still talk and hang out and decide we both have feelings for one another. We also decided to be friends while I work out this problem. On a sexual level we Are both pleased with each other. It's just something in her past that's eating at me. I don't want to blame her for it I just need help accepting it. I want to cope with it, she's amazing, I love her family my family loves her. I found the main cause of my pain. Before her and I started dating she slept with a guy who I can't stand, to me he is a joke and in my views he is just slime, I don't understand how anyone could hang out with him let alone sleep with him. Granted it was a one night stand. She told me she regrets doing it but none the less I'm having trouble accepting it and letting it pass. I found out a few months into our relationship and it just built till I couldn't take it and it was the main cause of our first break up. The second time was roughly at the 3 year mark, we jumped into this relationship fast it was sexual now this friendship approach we are trying is going well. I'm happy to work at it, I just want to keep at it - I want this to work. Any advice would be appreciated! I know I hurt her and I won't again that's why we are staying as friends, if I can't fix this I don't deserve her, I will try anything to make this work.I'm 25 she's 24 we've been together for 3 years.Please help.
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broke up, her past, my ex, one night stand Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2012): "It's not like she chose him for his personality, it was a one night stand."That kind of thinking will make it even harder for the O.P. to deal with, not easier. It would be easier to accept if she HAD found something to like about the guy personally even if the O.P. does not see it. Knowing their GF would choose to sleep with a guy for cold calculating reasons like, "He's a jerk but he's hot" is much more disturbing to most guys.
A
male
reader, Hopefulache +, writes (16 May 2012):
Hopefulache is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses, I've been reading here for a while now, and finally made my post. I do love her. I never wanted to hurt her, I feel terrible everyday, upset a myself that I can't let this pass, I know other guys she's slept with and that doesn't bother me, making love and having sex are two different things, ive expirenced both. This is why I'm fighting myself to make this work, I don't want anyone else. I just want to find ways people cope with this or move forward from it. As I read more posts on this site truly I feel strain released, it's truly magical. I will break my own heart and shead tears before I put her through pain again, she's fantastic, I never ment to hurt we but at those points I didn't know how to deal with my problem. Now that I'm looking for answers it helps. Thank you.
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A
female
reader, Wisdom  +, writes (16 May 2012):
 simple, you need to get over it. Stop thinking about it, its happened there is nothing that you can do to change it. Focus on the future with this girl that you clearly love and work towards the future. She made a one time mistake and yet you have punnished her twice for it by breaking up with her, she has been yours for 3 years.
Think about the amazing furture you have, work towards it and at all times keep talking to her.
You both deserve to be happy but you need to take stock of what is important, one mistake or 3 years and possibly a lifetime together.....
good luck I hope you manage to move forward
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 May 2012):
 You have a choice here, let this eat you up and lose her, or else forget about it and spend your life with her. She made a mistake we all do it. It's not like she chose him for his personality, it was a one night stand. There is no easy way off getting this out of your head though, but allowing it to break up your relationship is madness. You need to let her past go, it was long before you, and now you no that she has chosen you, its you she wants to be with not this other guy. We all do silly things when we are younger, and make mistakes. Don't make a mistake and throw away this relationship over something like this. You will live to regret it. Take things slowly now and rebuild a friendship until you feel you are ready to take it further.
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