A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with myy bf for three years but I'm a little confused. My bf has this friend who will have sex with anything lol pretty much literally. When I met my bf he waas with that guy. That guy tried to have sex with me but I was interested in his friend my now bf. This guy cheats on his girl when ever he has the chance. My bf has also cheated on me while with this guy. I encourage my man to have maan time with his friends including that one. They have been friends for soo long. I am not a person to break up a friend ship. My concern is that he doesn't want to hang out with this guy when he asks him and he also won't invite him over. As a matter of fact that goes for all his friends except one. Since I've been with him had a child with him even lived with him I've met only and probably less then 3 of his friends. We've bumped into a lot of ppl where he wud say hi and quickly dismiss the conversation. But for some odd reason when ever we fight and I make him leave and if I tell him I don't want to be with him or soomething in between those lines. He will go straight that friends hoouse and either deni it or lie abooout or tell me about it. But I just can't figure out why he only wants to see that friend his bestfriend of 10 years only when there are problems between me and him. Anyone have ne ideas. Keep in mind that friend of his is to into girls. please help? I'm confusedd..
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI completly agree.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): we can have friends but not be entirely the same personality as a friend.I am going to call your boy friend's friend 'the player' for obvious reasons and your boyfriend as just BF.I do think that your BF and 'the player' share a lot of history. Trust each other explicitly and feel able to understand each other completely. Are absolutely drawn to each other as close as brothers.Never come between the two of them as i think their bond is very strong as very loyal good friends. They do not have to see each other often for this strong brother bond to exist. I suspect that your BF's bond with his own mother is not as strong as the brotherly loyalty he has for 'the player.'Because 'the player' really understans how the mind of your BF works.Just see how your BF retreats to 'the player' when there is trouble.But they would also be very competitive, 'the player' even more so than your BF.Because with most very loyal friends they do not try to cheat on their guy friend's girl. But 'the player' cannot help himself and did even the unthinkable, but was rebuffed. They are both attractive to women. But your BF has settled down with the mother of his child. Your BF has had a child with you and I suspect your child means the world to both of you.And that is where your BF and 'the player' differ. You have already demonstrated loyalty and faithfulness by rebuffing the attention of 'the player.' Your BF would be really chuffed and delighted with that outcome.Because in the past 'the player' and your BF possibly competitively tried to outdo each other by going for the same girl'the player' is still commitment shy.Your BF has at least settled down as the father of a child and your best friend. Eventually 'the player' will find a girl he cannot resist and will marry her. But i think 'the player' will keep on playing for the rest of his life.Whereas i sense that your BF wants to be loyal to you. One of the unwritten rules that your BF will expect of you is that you will never reveal any cheating you are aware of by 'the player.'In return I think your BF loves you and your child, and keeps returning to you. I think he is faithful to you.But he does have a past. One that all your BF and 'the player' and their friends all know about,Your BF values you so highly that he never wants anyone to spill the beans on how much he played up in the past. Your BF is so afraid of losing you that he tries to minimise contact between you and his friends, just in case someone reveals more about his past than he wants you to know.Let him keep his past secrets. Your BF dearly wants to keep you in his life and wants to keep you on a pedestall.And he likes to keep the illusion going that you have never been aware of all the full extent of the mischief he got up to in he past.You know him better than he realises. But if it helps him keep his pride intact, then what he did before you and he got together, as a couple, is of no consequence. Your relationship is stronger than you may realise
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (14 March 2011):
You won't like the sound of this, but comparing you situation to people I know, it could be a case that he keeps his friends from you in case someone lets slip about something(s) he doesn't want you to know about.
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