A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hubby said I should take notice and get sexy knickers like our daughter. We were talking about buying something else to get her for xmas and he said about underwear, I said I think she wears sexy ones because she gets them from a catalogue so not to get her any he said I should be like her meaning I should get some sexy ones. I have changed from wearing thongs to lacy ones at the back just for him and now feel I have to buy sexy ones to keep him happy. He has never done changed one thing to make me happy. He says what can he do and I suggested sexy boxing shorts but I know he won't. He has also said after a couple of drinks he would be anybodies then said, its because hes not used to drinking and said he shouldn't be so honest with what he tells me so I think he would go of with another woman if he had a few but he denies he would. Deep down I don't trust him and haven't for a very long time. I wish I had the guts to leave him as he reminds me of my father who I hate because he pulled me down. I thought he was my soul mate but I now know he's definitely not.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2015): Sometimes gift receipts don't have a price on or many details...because they're a gift in case of returns. I think you need more evidence than this kind of thing.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2015): Im the person who posted this topic. I found a xmas boots gift bag under our bed with receipts to in which is the gifts he got me. He said he didn't give me the gift bag because he thought the gifts were better wrapped up. There is no price on the receipt for the gift bag so im wondering why its not showing on it. I hope to god its not a gift bag of another woman to him and hes pretending he put my gifts in it. What do I do and what if he hasn't a receipt to show for the gift bag?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2015): He seems to deny everything he does. Little lies with big meanings I suspect. Trust your gut instinct. Keep a note of everything he does that has made you feel like this. Otherwise you will doubt yourself and get confused (which is his intention). If you read up about emotional abuse then his actions (many and varied) may fit those red flags. It may be that to pin actual cheating on him you need to get hard evidence through a private detective or some of the tools available online but if so...ensure you have options in place to leave if that proves what you are suspecting. He absolutely knows when he finishes for Xmas. Unless you're self employed it's a date that gets fixed by employers. He seems to make things fuzzy to create a cover for himself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2015): He said he was joking about the underwear which to me is at my expense.He took out loans behind my back and I only found out when I saw the letter saying he needs to pay them. He said he took them out years ago to buy food and he needed the money. Told him he only had to tell me and why the big secret because now I dont know if it was spent on food or another tart, said he will prove it but how can he. Told him to get in touch with the loan companies and see when they were taken out, said he has but still not heard anything. I think hes lying to me and hasnt got intouch at all. Also he left his work phone switched on and i thought he would turn it off because he was finished for xmas. He said a couple of days ago he thinks he breaks up on the 22nd December then he said its the 24th but I know last year he finished on 23rd, he as been with the company 19 months. Seems very strange he doesn't know when he finishes and all I feel i hear is lies out of his mouth and wonder what else he is lying to me about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2015): Those kind of deliberately mixed messages are deliberately calculated to inflame you and also to drive a little wedge between you and your daughter.It is very thoughtless, selfish and manipulative of your husband to make a sexual comparison between you and your daughter.For starters that is an offlimit area anyway for your daughter and him or yourself and he is undermining your confidence in yourself and in your daughter.find daughter time that doesnt include him.do not put on a pair of panties that are competitive with daughter.Why not get a pair of granny knickers and tell him he doesnt appeal to you much and why should you freeze your ass off all day for him.Tell him you dont like such and such a feature about him..pick something really unimportant like the shape of his ears or his right toenail or his dreadful breath and tell him its just turning you off.His remark is a sensible as saying that youve noticed that one of the young lads of such and such boyband have erections that last over ten hours.Marvel at the vigours of youth, point out what muscular butts they have and buy him the most ridiculous jock strap for xmas.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2015): Hello and I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I have experienced that awful 'gut instinct' feeling without any real hard evidence. I used to say things to my ex and he would say I was paranoid. He manipulated my thinking into believing it was all in my mind but actually he was a cheat - he just gave a very very good impression of not being one. Firstly, this is just my opinion, but the fact your husband is even mentioning his preference in your underwear choices on the back of you two talking about your daughters gift is pretty 'off'?! Not only that, if he wanted you to wear sexy undies then why does he not treat you to something lovely and present you with it as part of a loving day or evening rather than give you sledge-hammer blow hint that just makes you (not surprisingly) wondering what his underlying motivation is. You haven't given much detail about anything else and I suspect there are many examples of this type of behaviour that is chipping away at your self esteem and leaving you wondering what you are supposed to do to please him. If you genuinely have gut instinct that he could cheat, or in any case treats you disrespectfully (saying what he did, drunk or otherwise is entirely wrong)then I would start thinking, from a practical perspective, whether you can leave. I say this because it was money etc that stopped me leaving my ex. In the end he left me for an older woman and left me financially vulnerable and I wish I had got a grip on the situation earlier. Once you start thinking about your own life, hobbies and interests, savings, the future, you might get the confidence to make a better decision and be more objective about him. The bottom line is he doesn't speak to you right or treat you right. Do you want to spend the rest of your life putting up with this? When was your gut instinct ever wrong? I doubt it has been (in the end). Make 2016 a year that counts for YOU.
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