A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 months And before i did have feelings for her. Then 2 weeks ago i started thinking, do i really?And now its really bugging me. Some days I do feel love for her, and i question it so much.Inside i know i do want to care for her.Inside I know i do want to give her everything. I want to grow old with her, but why cant i just have that gut feeling with her like i have with past relationships before?Before i've never been treated like she treats me. I've always been treated like **** in my past with my exs. And now that I have someone who treats me right i feel different. I don't know if its because what is going on with my parents and the way my dad treats my mom wrong and cheats on her and it affects me. Or is it that ive always been treated wrong?Or is it because me and my girl have already have sex? And it was my first time.She does make me feel special We do tell each other we love each other. I feel so connected to her when we are with each other.But when im away i question it. We talk about out future Having kids and living with each other And i want that But i also want that gut feeling of love with her.I want her. But i don't know how to just stop questioning my feelings.She's just so amazing.We love the same music. We are both spiritual. We love a lot of the same things.She tells me im Beautiful.And no other girl has said that to me before.I just want to fall in love with her so madly and deeply.I need advice I need help I just want to stop questioning how i feel and i want to start loving her
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2016): I think you actually know your own mind very well.
It is very possible that because you have grown up seeing your dad treat your mum badly you have fallen into a pattern of unhappy relationships and, just as this is instinctively 'all that you know' and all that you've seen of relationships, you've stumbled into what should be a very happy relationship.
This is a GOOD thing. However, it may just take a bit re-wiring to remind yourself that relationships can be positive and that you deserve a chance to be happy and to make someone else happy.
Give it time, and maybe try and make your way through a book on letting yourself be happy in relationships after growing up only seeing negative relationships. You are definitely not alone in this phenonmena, however it's one thing recognising it, the next step is breaking past it and letting the happy relationship last. Do everything you can to try and preserve this, you deserve to be happy.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 January 2016):
 No need to rush. You don't trust your gut feeling because you fell in love before but you got mistreated so this time you want to be more careful. Anyone can be nice for the first few months. Some people say having sex can make the suspense disappear, it can take your girlfriend off the pedestal but at the same time it can also deepen your connection. When you are away from each other you don't know if she would lose interest. You are still dating and you would feel that until one day you decide you are with each other long term. That's normal. It's not lack of love, it's our inner guard. Maybe you want to fall in love deeply because you believe that's the way to secure a relationship and to ensure that she treats you right all the time. It doesn't happen that way. You have to go with the flow too.
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