A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there I need your help!I've been going with my boyfriend for almost four years well kind of. The thing is we went together for 6 months he treats me like crap, he cheated on me and everything but we got back together a year later and now we've been together 3 years but I still dont trust him. He now treats me like a princess spoils me rotten and nothing he does seems to lead to him cheating but I just don't trust him and I don't know what to do. He is secretive with facebook and his phone but when I've asked him about it he just says he likes his privacy. How can I make this better? and start to trust him? It's ruining our relationship.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (22 February 2009):
 There's probably two ways to look at this: are you completely open with BF about your electronic communications? ...or does he take it at face-value that he has nothing to fear? Trust, especially after a known episode of cheating is difficult to recover from. But, it would seem that the last 3 years have shown that he may have abandoned that less than desirable trait.
...then there's the other point of view: although we are social creatures and desire contact, there's still a need to have some level of privacy, don't you think? That privacy is a contributing factor to psychologically necessary to maintain your personality and nobody should be required to reveal every piece of their lives... it's sort of like nobody can be 100% honest 100% of the time.
Have you made your boyfriend aware that the secretive nature on Facebook and his phone is sabotaging your relationship? Have you proposed a solution to him? I guess I'm hinting that perhaps you should consider negotiating with him if you are serious about maintaining your relationship, you need to find a happy medium.
Maybe you should ask yourself what it is that you can do to build trust with him. I did a very fast Google search and found these two articles that might help you:
http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Trust
http://www.wikihow.com/Convince-Someone-to-Trust-You-Again
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