A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Should I end this relationship?Me and B we were friends for years and I had my boyfriend who I was stable for 4 years and we have a kid, me and him and B lived together for 9 months. One year ago he kissed me and we made love. Before letting him in I asked: *are you std clean? and B said he passed all his recent check ups clean, but he just put it in while telling me and I let him, like he didn't wanna have the talk. I ignored the little voice in my ear saying stay away he's got herpes. Really.This happened I cheated but I stayed with my long term boyfriend who I was not happy with. The same week exactly on this date one year ago he got wasted with alcohol and drugs (ecstasy) at a party and was all over another girl who he just met right there at a party. That broke my heart. Time past and ask me why, I still gave him the chance and kept the affair...Then eventually he found us two hugging in bed and everything was broken, our lifes living together, their friendship, our friendship, my family with my ex, our work together, but I wanted only one thing: to be with him because I felt ''love''. one month after this I found out I'm pregnant. I didn't wanna have another baby but abortion is very illegal and hashly judged by everyone where I come from (nobody wants you to kill your child, my mom said she wouldn't let me do that) and I still am not sure about my feelings towards it, he convinced me that he loves us and he wants a family with me and my kid and his kid and we were gonna be happy so why not?. 6 months in the relationship he got a herpes syphilis hiv herpes std sceen behind my back and he got herpes positive 11.0. He lied to me about the result making a false results page on photoshop and showing it to me saying it was all stds negative, but I saw the real one. After I got the truth out of me while he was drunk, I decided to forgive him when he confessed he lied because he never had and outbreak so he thought he'd never pass the herpes to me and that I'd never find out and leave him. =not much of a excuse but my excuse is I love him. Then I got a herpes exam 3 months later when our baby was born and it came back negative. I got so depressed and suddenly I had little cuts on the inside labia and entering the walls my vagina. My doctor analyzed my cuts said it wasn't herpes. Time passed and I never felt the same sexual pleasure like before all this happened , making love wasn't the same anymore, I didn't feel well lubricated and felt discomfort after the first 40 min. This month we used some condoms and I got a BV infection. Doctor said it was caused by the irritation I suffered from the condom , and will go away and that I shouldn't use the condoms, but there is a chance of contracting the herpes which is not likely but can happen. The next day I noticed a red small bump inside my vagina on the opening of the labia minora, It doesn't hurt but my whole pussy itches, And I'm getting white discharge and keep thinking again and again about all the people we slept with and girls who I think they are so nasty, Now I keep thinking about the past and worried about my health and his and my heart hurts from all of this and I resent all the slutty girls he has slept with, I hate the slut who didn't tell him because the doctor said she should have felt some burning of the blisters and she should have asked for a condom but the was such a selfish person to not even ask for protection to keep him safe of her disease but she wasn't a good person and he was stupid enough to have unprotected sex with one night stands and now because he made love to a slut I have to pay the price.. And I have never enjoyed casual sex because I wanted to take care of myself and only had one clean partner. While B has been with at least 20 girls I know, I just found out about most of them, I hate the slut who didn't tell him about her little secret or at least request him to put a condom on (is there so much people who give a fck about who they are having sex with and their health?) I keep thinking if it was this girl or this girl and getting pictures in my mind about what happened how they hooked up and how he didn't notice she had herpes and they making love which just kills me over and over , I get endless possibilities because they were all promiscuous and He doesn't say a word , has no clue who was it but I feel deep down he knows who gave it to him an it drives me mad that I feel like he's covering her up. He saw my google searches on std info and that I want an hiv and hpv test and now he doesn't talk to me, he was crying and saying I humiliate him and nothing will ever be the same since I'm clean and he has herpes and that maybe we should break up because trust is broken, I'm not happy, he's not happy, we have had a hard time with all of this and the two of us can't stand making love with condoms, I got the allergy to them so we are having a bad connection. I said what will you do then? leave me and the kids alone and go back to the person who gave you the std? I am really young and I just can't stand being a mother I cry every day and I don't have family to help or support me, I am completely alone with two kids and no job. Where I live there's no welfare. I love him but I don't want to have herpes also I don't trust him, when he comes home late I think of him cheating on me, he's depressed and our life is sad right now. What are your thoughts on this? How can I be safe and save the relationship or do you think it won't work out? The red bump could be hpv? Is there an hpv test? Do you think I can be happy again? Any advice will be highly appreciated with all my heart.
View related questions:
abortion, affair, condom, depressed, discharge, drugs, drunk, herpes, hiv , my ex, one night stand, std, unprotected sex, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 April 2017):
 Go and speak to a doctor, they will inform you more.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your support! I've been dealing with this. He currenty has an outbreak. What could have suddenly triggered an outbreak if he's never ever had one?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (6 April 2017):
So let me get this straight, you cheat on him with no protection whatsoever and you have the nerve to call other girls sluts and dirty? Maybe you need to look in the mirror if that is how you judge people.
You both made mistakes you can hardly say he broke your heart after YOU had UNPROTECTED sex with his flat mate. What does that make you?
I don't think you both are ever going to be happy, I doubt you will ever trust each other and the only people I feel sorry for is the two unwanted children in the middle off this who are innocent and should be in a loving home.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2017): It sounds as if you are in a bit of a state and the whole world is crumbling in on you.I think you may still be pregnant and have your little girl with you as well.Im guessing you have a girl and now you have baby no 2 on the way I think your mum may be able to help unless she is judgemental and unkind.Your first family living arrangement was not a good one as you were shagging the bestfriend/lodger.It stands to reason that he was shagging around as you were technically unavailable.Now that you are reunited you are pregnant and concerned about herpes.Your doctor and your STD clinic should be able to help you out a bit but you need to calm down and understand that herpes is like shingles!It is not life threatening and nowhere near as dangerous as cancer or a road traffic accident.It doesnt make sense to blame someone in the sexual contact chain because most humans have sex and quite possibly they unwittingly got it from someone else.It doesnt drive you mad like untreated syphillis so it is lower down on the medical danger list!Some people dont even realise they carry it.Where was the child when you were sneaking sex with boyfriend 2 behind boyfriend 1 back?This wasnt a particularly good arrangement for you and your babys daddy at the time because you didnt need the extra sex!As condoms dont work for you perhaps you could slow down your sexual activity for a couple of years and concentrate on your health and small family!Going on the pill or fixing up some other form of contraception would be a good idea so you dont have any moreunplanned pregnancies.And lastly you need to forgive yourself and set about creating a life that would work for your wellbeing!You need to seek help from doctors and also ask for counselling if you can handle talking about your choices on a one to one basis.Also look towards community groups with helping agendas and try to loose the panic over herpes which may be clouding your judgement.If you look carefully you will find helpful people in the community such as mum and baby groups, medical groups and advice agencies and one day you will unravel this tangle and feel better about yourself.Dont feel overwhelmed with fear.Read Maya Angelous books about her life.She teaches us how to put perspective on our mistakes and how to forgive ourselves so that we can move forward.She is well worth the read,or listen to her books on audio tape.I think they will strike a chord with you as you unravel her story!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2017): " I hate the slut who didn't tell him about her little secret or at least request him to put a condom on"Why didn't YOU insist he wear a condom? And she's not the slut, HE is. He didn't have to indiscriminately have to boink so many women. "(is there so much people who give a fck about who they are having sex with and their health?)"Apparently you don't. If you did then you wouldn't have had unprotected sex."What are your thoughts on this?"You need to stop obsessing about your genitals and start focusing on the two children whom you carelessly and irresponsibly brought in the world. If you hate being a mother and are incapable of raising you kids why not do what's best for them and put them up for adoption? There are lots of mature, responsible couples who would cherish the opportunity to bring children into a stable, secure, loving home that every child deserves and which you're unlikely be ever able to provide. As always, it's the kids who suffer the most at the hands of their dysfunctional, unhealthy, toxic breeders.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2017): I don't understand how you can slag off the woman who gave your boyfriend herpes, when he was perfectly happy to lie to YOU about it and do exactly the same to you as she did to him? How come you find her behaviour so bad and yet you don't seem to recognise the same behaviour in your boyfriend?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 April 2017):
 Run for the hills...this is going down the drain!! If there is no trust there is nothing
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A
female
reader, princessjasmine +, writes (1 April 2017):
This relationship is toxic. You said it yourself that your instinct told you he was untrustworthy. We need to listen to that voice as much as we are weak and think we love someone. You can't love someone who is a liar and made up something so big that ccan HARM you. He doesn't truly care about you if he could lie about something so big. You need to stay away from this guy, get checked up, get your treatment, and move on.
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