A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:One of the main issues I have with myself when it comes to the lack of bothering with dating and relationships is that I just don't find myself interesting.Outside my minimum-wage retail job, I am at home on the computer playing games, listening to music, browsing the web, searching for my career job which is relative to computers, and/or some combination of the above. Sometimes I hit up the local cinema or go bowling.Other than that, not much is going on. Being out of college, I am left without a social life.I'm a laid-back, quiet, and somewhat reserved kind of guy. I'm not really talkative, but I am a good listener. I just feel like I should be doing so much more to even feel interesting enough to girls. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (8 March 2012):
 If everyone was super interesting, no one would be super interesting.Make connections based on what you like. Believe it or not, there are tons of girls out there who are into computer/video games. You mentioned an interest in music, so why not hit up some concerts or meet people who like the same music as you. What did you study in college? I'm sure you can find people who are really into that subject. Does no one draw your attention who comes through or works at your store?The funny thing about meeting people to date is that they tend to show up when you're NOT actively seeking them. So, make a promise to yourself that you'll go out (bookstores, cafes, parks, gyms) regularly so that you are available to any single girls. And work on your confidence in the process.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 March 2012):
 I think the problem here isn't whether other girls fin dyou interesting or not. The problem is YOU don't find yourself interesting, so you don't even bother giving people the chance to get to know you.
So where are you going to end up with this attitude? Either allow people to get to know you and let them decide for themselves whether you are boring or not, or be satisfied living your life exactly the way you are doing right now. Your choice.
But, you don't like the way you are. You think you are boring. So why choose to stay bored with yourself when you can go out and be fun and attractive and lead a more interesting life? There's nothing stopping you or preventing you exactly. So there you have it, there are no excuses. If you want to be more interesting start now. If not: stop complaining.
I do agree with you though. There's little attractive or interesting to a woman about a guy who mainly only is interested in solo activities. Playing games on the computer or console is a solo activity, for most part. It's not something you can do with a girlfriend (unless you are lucky enough to find a girl exactly like you, but since YOU think that is boring I doubt you'd find such a girl interesting).
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 March 2012):
 Do you have friends? Do you go out with them? If you play computer game would you be interested in board gaming? I ask because that’s something you can do both on the computer but more importantly IN REAL LIFE… it’s how I met my fiancé. Face to face board gaming is a great hobby for folks who are bright and yet lacking in social skills. The interaction is “forced” on you because you have to sit down with 1-5 other folks and interact for 30-120 minutes at a time in a structured environment… it’s great practice… and to be honest MOST of the board gamers I know are a bit “odd” which makes up very ACCEPTING of everyone who just wants to game. Feel free to PM me your location so I can find local gaming groups to hook you up with.
I swear by board gaming….
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 March 2012):
 If you are boring yourself, how can you expect to find a spark with any one else?
I think spending less time on the computer and more time in the fresh air may be helpful. Eat right, do some exercise daily, stop smoking (if you do) and watch your mood change.
The transition to real life after college can be very difficult. You will need to acknowledge that you have to work hard to have a social life outside of college. It may be that you just need to find a hidden passion for something, go find other people who enjoy that same passion. The only way to do that is to go out and try things. They don't have to cost money, there are loads of free experiences out there, you do have to put in the time to find them.
Allot some of your computer time to this task: find 2 or 3 activities that you find somewhat interesting. I have another website for you to explore: http://www.actionforhappiness.org/
Maybe you haven't found your purpose in life yet? Set aside 15 minutes a day to sit quietly and just think about that. Set a timer, sit and think with a notepad in front of you to take notes. Write down anything that comes to you. Do this daily for a month. Eventually, you may have an 'aha!' moment.
These are quiet, gentle ways of finding out more about yourself. I'm not suggesting drastic changes (other than quitting smoking, if you do) so just try these for a month.
Make yourself your project. Put your energy into nurturing yourself (I know, I know, it sounds feminine to do that, do it anyway). Try this for a month and see what changes have happened. Assess. Then set a new plan for the following month.
Maybe that will be enough of a start for now.
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