A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear all,I am currently in a semi LDR seing other weekend/alternative weekends due to work commitments for last 1.6 yes. Whilst we love one anothers lots I'm not sure I trust my BF. A while a go i found some flirty messages (some sexual but bantery) between him and his work colleage and other messages like he asking her to smile more as she looks sad with kisses etc, now that might not seem much but his not an openly affectionate person and doesnt really use kisses in messages!! They did also seem close with lots of pictures of them together and always next to one another. She caused tension in our relationship as he was always talking about her and her relationships but he promised she was just a mate and nothing else. he also lied about her not being at places then I later found out she was. Recently we were messing around and I said that I had seen him putting kisses on messages to others (it was said as a joke in context to the conversation) he suddenly turned got really angry that I has been going through his messages and didn't trust him (when I did look it was a year previous and I didnt tell him..wrong but I did). I got upset at his OTT reaction very defensive I feel. He later admitted that he had lied to me in the past only to protect me and to stop me getting upset. I don't know how to feel now one of his sudden turn and past and secondly I really dont feel i do trust him. Not quite sure what to do? Tell him I don't which I'm scared of doing or just let it go and try and work on myself or just finish the relationship?Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2013): Unfortunately, it seems like your boyfriend is cheating on you....I was involved with a man who had a long distance girlfriend. He started flirting and being very persistent with me (we work together). He told me he did not love his girl and that they were going to break up. He also asked me not to mention her anymore. I ended up getting together with him regularly for about 6 months. Little did I know that he was still involved with her. He ended up moving to her state and being with her!
You need to either move closer to each other so you can have a real relationship or you need to let go and find someone who is going to be close to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2013): The problem with LDR's is the inconvenience of intimacy. Every other week is hardly a way to carry on a fulfilling relationship.
It's like visiting a relative. I am not a believer in LDR's; because people place undue stress on themselves, and just won't accept the reality that you can only go for so long. Before you can't stand being without having someone you love close to you. Being temporarily forced apart is one thing. Building love on opposite ends of an extension bridge is another.
He shouldn't commit to you, then turn around and cheat. However; that's the risk you take when you're not around more than 80% the time, to satisfy each others needs.
You'll get lonely and you'll get horny. An LDR is conducive to cheating.
You'll accidentally (on purpose) meet people the good old-fashioned way; up close and in-person. That's the way it should be anyway.
I frequently say in my column, if you snoop around into people's personal devices, you deserve what you find. I don't like the idea of invading anyone's privacy. I prefer the direct approach. If you feel they're cheating or capable of cheating, move on. No one is forcing you to stay with a guy you don't trust. Leave before he hurts you.
Well now you know he is fraternizing and having a tryst with a colleague. Now what?
He's busted and she is in a better position to be a girlfriend than you are. She is close and you're a distance away. LDR's just are meant to be.
Unless he's a soldier on duty, traveling on business, or away due to some responsibility, if you don't have marriage to bind the relationship; the odds are, either party is going to find someone else on the other end.
When stressed by distance; marriages breakup for this very reason. They are legally binding, and can't hold up under separation for too long. I don't consider LDR's real. They are fantasy and reality soon sets in.
For your own benefit. Let him go. He's only mad because he got caught. He has no legs to stand on. He's a cheater and you're not a fool.
Try building committed relationships closer to home. It's okay to have a loving fling with a LDR now and then. That's if you don't really want a long-term relationship; and just want limited romantic involvement with someone of a different culture, or living on another continent.
The final outcome of most LDR's are the same. Few survive and marry. The odds play highly against them.
Dump him and start your healing process.
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