A
female
age
30-35,
*ugarCookie
writes:I am having problems in my relationship and I dont know what to do. I got in a car accident six weeks ago and my back got messed up so I have trouble sitting standing and making myself something to eat which is progress from not being able to dress myself and not being able to wash my own hair. The problem is that I live with my boyfriend of three and a half years and I cant work so he is responsible for all the bills. He says that he is stressed out so all he does is work sleep and play video games. I dont have any friends or family to talk to and I myself am stressed out because it is starting to look like I am going to need back surgery and there is a possibilty that I might have gallbladder stones and might need surgery for that too. My boyfriend uses his stress as an excuse to ignore me even though we live together. I have talked to him and told him that I needed him to talk to me about anything and that I really needed some affection but the more I asked the less I got because he said he was too tired. When I asked why he had time for his video games but not me he said it was his way of being able to forget the world and that he needed it to deal with his stress. I'm now at the point that he wont talk to me, wont kiss me, wont hold me at night, he doesn't say I love you unless i say that I dont think he loves me anymore, and now today he was supposed to be home at noon and didn't come home until 10pm and is now sleeping in the living room. I dont know what to do at all. I cant move out because I cant work and I have no one to turn to and I just wish that he would talk to me and hold me. Give me comfort because I am so scared and lonely! I cant drive also due to my back being so messed up that my legs go numb and I want to pass out from pain so I cant go out to the park for fresh air. I am stuck in my apartment except for doctors appointments. My ultimate question is how do I get my boyfriend to be the sweet caring man he was so long ago? He hasn't be here for me in almost two years!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): When you go to your doctors' appointments, ask the doctor or nurse if they can refer you to a group of volunteers who can help you get around, look for financial help, etc.
Trying to lean on one support (your boyfriend) is like trying to balance on a chair with only one leg. It's understandable that you feel scared and helpless-- when you get out of this situation, perhaps you will learn from the experience and cultivate a larger circle of friends and acquaintances.
With respect to regaining your boyfriend's love, do visit www.marriagebuilders.com and read the basics section to start with. I'm not affiliated with the site, just a huge fan.
Good luck and hope you get better soon! Let us know how it goes...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): Very very tricky, as I don't think men react well to illness in their partner/wife. Things easily become all about them.
If need be consider relationship counselling together, it helped us.
Pain is hard to deal with when it restricts everyday simple things, that everybody else takes for granted.
You can only hope for better times with your pain, and do fight to get something done to help.
That way you will cope with everyday stuff and have a better relationship. How well you get on no doubt relates to the amount of pain you are in etc.
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