A
female
age
41-50,
*ardia
writes:In a text spat last night, my boyfriend hurt my feelings and actually "dismissed" me from further contact that night. We have had serious discussions recently about our future together. After ALL we have been through and ALL I have supported him through, his vision for the future does not appear to include me--nothing like a lukewarm "meh" response to whether or not you see a future with someone. He gave that lukewarm response last week and yesterday asked "What can I do to make you happy? I can't bear to see you not smile". So I told him "How can I smile knowing that I'm contemplating breaking up with you because why should I spend more time on you if you truly don't see a future with me?" He loves me as a dear friend. But it is obvious through his actions and inactions that he does not love me more than that. Yeah, the sex was amazing. And I waited 35 years to be with someone who would hold me so very tight as we slept. But that's not enough when the future is at stake. He needs to get help for his abandonment issues. I need to get back on the antidepressants. Too bad it took this for both of us to learn. And we were so perfect in so many ways. We never fought. We discussed everything rationally and calmly. We were quick to forgive each other. We are the most comfortable in our own bodies around each other than we ever thought possible! What a dream this has been. But if it doesn't go beyond this and he doesn't love me at least as much as I love him, then we're done. Encouragement from y'all would help. But don't give me the "You'll survive, everyone does" or "There's someone better out there who will appreciate you" crap. This was my first ever boyfriend. At age 35. This was everything that I wanted. And now, after a year, it is being ripped from me in a cruel joke of life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): I am 34 years old, and found my first serious relationship (only 1 before that which was not serious). Everyone feels that they love their partner more than their partner loves them. I do understand the feeling of not wanting to hear all the normal "crap" quotes that you so often hear. I agree with so very confused that you need to have these serious talks in person. At 35 you feel the pressure to get the future started and get settled, i understand that feeling, you need to talk to him face to face about the future. Text messages are not the way to do, talk to him calmly and honestly in person as to how you are feeling and what you need and want out of this relationship, and then you can make a decision. I hope this helps, good luck.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 November 2011):
 OUCH!
so you are having CRITICAL LIFE changing conversations via TEXT messages?
I dont' think this is wise. these are conversations that have to be had face to face.
I think my boyfriend loves me less than I love him and he thinks i love him less than he loves me... I think that's natural.
so last night he said "i need a break from the texting tonight"... how are things in the light of day?
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